Tag Archives: grief

Grief – Biblical Help for Those who are Struggling

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What does the Bible say about grief?

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

God is no stranger to grief. He sent His only son to die on the cross for our sins. He knew that Jesus was going to suffer, but He made His death mean something. His life and death both had a purpose. Though it may be close to impossible to see right now, your loved one’s life and death have a purpose in God’s design. That doesn’t mean you see it, agree with it, or even believe that losing your loved one could have a purpose other then heartache.

The great thing about winter is that there is always spring to bring new life. There is a season for everything and the Bible provides knowledge on how to face all the storms of life; including death. You may be staring at an empty chair, or sitting in a quiet house that was once filled with laughter and joy, wondering to yourself; “How do I go on without them?” It’s okay to be mad, devastated, or resentful, even toward God. He often reminds us that the world we live in has fallen and now bad things happen to Godly people on this side of heaven. In this life pain and loss are inevitable, but long term suffering doesn’t have to be. God wants us to cast our cares on the Lord and invite him into the pain. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Temporary pain

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18).

The world we live in is temporary. It can be easy to become short-sighted and forget that we have everlasting life in eternity. When we lose someone close to us, the last thing we want to think about is waiting to see them again in the future when we too join our heavenly home. If you’re like me, you have probably wished that you could bring someone back, or that the pain of missing them would go away. The pain surrounding death can seem like an ocean. As you look around, there seems to be no end in sight and you may feel like you can’t catch your breath. I am here to tell you that one day, you will catch your breath again.

Process your feelings

“The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down” (Psalm 145:14).

Sometimes when we are hurting or grieving, we stay busy to avoid letting the pain in. The busy fills the empty spaces and helps distract you, if only for a moment, that you are missing your loved one. It can feel impossible to remain still in these moments. You want to avoid reality at all costs, but there is no way around grief. Grief demands to be given time to mourn and then process how to live life in the next season. This journey will look different for everyone, and the way you deal with your grief is a personal choice. Let the hurt in, feel their absence, honor their life. Invite God into your heart and let him help you heal.

Grieve with others

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept (John 11:33-35).

As Mary grieved the loss of her brother Lazarus, others grieved with her. Jesus also grieved his death and felt her pain. It can be helpful to reach out to others who know our struggle. Joining a local bereavement group can help you heal with others who are battling the same storm. You can tell your story, and the story of the one who you lost. This will keep their memory alive and provide you with a safety net of confidants who can support you on your toughest days.

Know that there is still a life worth living

“Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again, and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy” (John 16:22).

It may not seem possible in the current moment, but you will find joy again. Worshiping God through life’s pain can be difficult, but he will restore what was lost. He says he will make all things new. I choose to believe that you will get to be with your loved one again without pain or suffering. But that is in heaven and you are still here. So what do you do? Start by working on accepting the reality that life will be different and adjustments will need to be made. Seek God and He will help you pick up the pieces. Death can shatter lives and devastate beyond belief, but God always comes through. Cast your worries and anxieties on Him. Look for people, activities, time with God and other ways you can reduce the pain and eventually start bringing joy back into your life. Each day will seem impossible, but you will look back and realize that He gave you the strength you needed to make it through. If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, we have the resources and help you need.

Next Steps

At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we have a team of compassionate and faithful therapists who will guide you through your loss. Many of us have experienced grief and we want to provide you with the comfort you need. Some struggle to cope with loss and this is understandable. Everyone processes grief in their own way. We want to help you find your way as you honor your loved one. Grief is not simple and it can get messy, but we are here to help you make sense of the mess. As faith-based counselors, we will sit with you in your pain. We will create a non-judgemental space for you to grieve. We will be by your side to listen, encourage and guide you into God’s healing in a way that is right for you. We can help you experience hope and love again. The natural next step is to contact us at (405) 921-7776.

Does Grief Ever Get Better?

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Grief is inevitable in life, but knowing this does not take our pain away. Loss comes in all shapes and sizes and each of us processes death differently. When an immeasurable loss is experienced, it can feel like the pain will never go away. This may be true for some, and for others, time lessens the hurt. Some describe grief as coming in waves; one day the pain is distant and the next day the tide is rising uncontrollably. There is no one right way to deal with grief. Your grief is as unique as you are. I can tell you from personal experience that there can be a life worth living after the loss of a loved one; even if you don’t see it and it seems impossible right now.

How does the brain deal with grief?

It takes time to accept the reality that one of your loved ones is gone. The time spent together and the memories built may be constantly flashing through your mind. What once seemed like routine is now cherished deeply because it is the only thing you have left. You may spend your days trying to barter with God so he will bring your loved one back. This is one of the ways you may be dealing with the shock of what has happened.

The brain is often in shock and deals with grief as a learning experience. You may have asked yourself: How do I go on without you? How do I live in a world that doesn’t have you in it? As described by grief and bereavement specialist Mary-Frances O’Connor, grief is the overwhelming feeling you experience in the short term that takes over your whole being, and grieving is the learning experience that you go through as you make sense of what remains (American Psychological Association, 2022).

How do I cope with grief?

Everyone copes with grief in different ways. The first thing that others desire to do is provide advice to help us. However, what worked for them may not work for you and that is 100% okay. Coping in your own way that helps you heal is the most important thing to keep in mind. Below are a few coping strategies that may assist you in your healing:

  • Finding a support group
  • Journaling
  • Meditating
  • Seeking help from God
  • Going to church
  • Lighting a memory candle
  • Practicing acceptance
  • Writing a letter to the loved one you lost

What if I am not ready to heal?

It is okay to feel like you are not ready to let go or heal. It is also okay to be angry. I have been there, and it is an indescribable feeling that affects everyone in their own way. Despite how impossible it may seem now, acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward healing. We cannot accept what we do not acknowledge. Many people feel guilty when they try to move on with their lives, and this is a normal reaction as well.

Next Steps

If you feel lost, stuck, or devastated, you are not alone. Processing grief can be difficult and we understand this. You may be asking yourself, “What do I do now?” We are here to help you find answers to this question. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we have a team of compassionate and experienced therapists that will meet you where you are and help you get to where you want to be. Your therapist will sit with you in your pain as you grieve. They will help you discover how you need to grieve in a way that is unique and right for you. When you are ready, they will help you heal and build a life with the people that are here while honoring and holding the love in your heart for the person who is not. If you or someone you know is struggling with their grief, we are here for you. The next natural step is to invite us into your story by contacting us today. We look forward to hearing from you soon!

What You Should NOT Say to Someone Grieving?

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What You Should NOT Say to Someone Grieving?

If you are watching someone experience the horrible effects of grief, you might be having a difficult time finding the best ways to support them.  I’m guessing that you feel pressure to say the right words or feel as though you have to give them immediate relief.

Finding the “right words” in these scenarios does not usually come naturally and can be very uncomfortable for most people.  In hopes to best comfort the person grieving in your life,  this blog will go over 4 different areas that should be avoided when speaking to a friend or loved one.

Sugar Coating the Situation

Attempting to have a person look at the bright side of their circumstance is common when trying to comfort them, but doing this can be extremely invalidating to their feelings.  It tells a grieving person that they cannot be upset about their situation because it could be worse. Here are a few statements that should be avoided:

  • At least statements
  • “It could be worse”
  • “Life will go on”
  • Reminding them that they have things to be grateful for
  • “They are in a better place”

Making it About Yourself

Don’t make it about yourself when talking with someone who is grieving.  Everyone’s situation is unique and nobody grieves the exact same way.  It can be very easy to do this because as humans that’s how we feel most comfortable.  For example if your friend just lost her mother, it could be tempting to say ‘I know how you are feeling because when I lost my grandpa I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks.’

Even though you are trying to relate to their pain, this can come off as a dismissal of what they are going through. Try to keep the conversation about them or the person they have lost.

Giving Vague Support

When trying to support someone who is grieving it is best to be specific as possible. There is a good chance that this person will receive a lot of texts, phone calls, and cards that say things such as:

  • “Let me know if I can do anything for you”
  • “Do you need any help?”
  • “Call me if you need anything”
  • “I am always here for you”

These statements can come off as impersonal or as if you don’t actually want to help them.  They also put the ball in the grieving person’s court and make it their job to ask for help.  Showing up with specific actions can be a better alternative to showing your support.  Try bringing them dinner, calling them first, or going over to their house to help clean.

Avoid Religious Statements 

Religious statements can be another way of sugarcoating a situation.  Even if you know that person shares the same religious beliefs as you it can seem as though you are trying to put a bandaid over a bullet hole.  For example, telling someone “it is all a part of God’s plan” does not change the reality of their suffering and can infer they should be ok with what happened because God will work it out.    Some other statements that should be avoided are:

  • God never gives us more than we can handle
  • It was God’s will or this is what God wanted
  • Telling someone that something good will come out of this situation

It is also important to remember that during situations of grief people can wrestle with their beliefs, so you never know where they stand personally at that moment.

How Do You Help

You are off to a great start by thinking about what they need and avoiding these pitfalls.  So often we are overcome by someone’s sadness and want to stop their suffering.  We do this because we don’t like watching or being a part of that pain.  However, the best way to support them is to meet them where they are.  Meet them in the pain and give them a hug, cry with them, listen and offer specific help to meet their needs.  In the end, the best gift you can give them is your presence of loving them where they are.

If you found this helpful and want to move forward yourself or someone else to heal and explore what your best next steps are then we are here for you.  At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have a team of therapists trained to walk with you through the pain and help you heal and make sense of what to do next.  You can reach us at (405) 921-7776 or go to our website at NewVisionCounseling.org to learn more about how we can best help you.