Every marriage is going to come with its own trials and tribulations. However, it is important to identify if your marriage needs to be repaired. It is not uncommon to ignore the problems you are having with your spouse in hopes that they will one day fix themselves. But, when there are broken parts to a marriage it is critical that you face them head on.
This blog will highlight common signs of a broken marriage in order to help you recognize when you and your spouse might need external help.
You feel controlled by your spouse
One sign of a broken marriage is that you are unable to express yourself or have a sense of individuality. In a marriage you should be able to comfortably talk about your point of view on certain issues and also be able to see things from your spouse’s perspective. It is a problem if your opinion is consistently getting dismissed by your spouse because that means they are not viewing you as an equal.
Another way your spouse could be controlling you is by limiting what you have access to on a daily basis. This could be access to financial information, specific people, or even access to their help around the house. For example, your spouse could be depriving you of friendships by refusing to watch the kids when you have birthday dinner.
Constantly criticizing one another
Excessive criticism is another sign of a broken marriage. Throughout your life your spouse should be your biggest supporter and encourager. They should not be the one making you feel bad or insecure about yourself.
Criticism can be good if it is used correctly. It can be a way to grow and develop in your marriage. It can also be negative when there is shame behind what you are saying to your partner or if you are nit picking their actions.
It is important to focus on your own feelings when you are going to criticize your spouse. For example, instead of saying “it is so annoying when you play video games with your friends and don’t give me any attention.” Instead try focusing on how the action makes you feel. “I feel so unloved when we don’t make time for each other.”
A lack of intimacy can mean many different things. Initially what comes to most people’s minds is a lack of sexual intercourse, but that is not the only way your marriage can lack intimacy. It can lack physical intimacy in other ways such as holding hands, cuddling, or kissing each other goodbye. It can also lack emotional intimacy. This can be because as a couple you no longer enjoy spending time together, talking about intellectual topics, or there is a decrease in spiritual closeness.
Secrets in your marriage
Secrets can be a good sign that there is a brokenness in your marriage. Secrets can cause there to be distance and barriers between you and your spouse. If you are keeping secrets from your spouse, you need to understand what is driving that. Are you scared of how they are going to respond? Do you not trust them with the information you are keeping from them? Do you know that your actions are wrong?
If you are feeling as though your marriage has broken pieces that need mending, you are at the right place. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have trained therapists that will help you and your spouse feel whole again. The best next step is to contact us at (405) 921-7776 to learn more about how we help you.