What to Say to Someone Who is Gaslighting You

What to Say to Someone Who is Gaslighting You

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person attempts to invalidate your reality and make you question your own feelings so that they can control you. Narcissists keep this trick in their back pockets and often use it to get what they want and assert power over others. Controlling individuals who inflict emotional abuse on their partners are often guilty of this. If you’re in a relationship with someone who gaslights you, you likely experience extreme self-doubt or even question your identity. Gaslighting is often a tactic used to control one person in a relationship but is not exclusive to romance. A manipulative person can be a boss, friend, or family member. Nevertheless, the closer you are to the person who gaslights, the harder it is to stand your ground.

How do I Know if I’m Being Gaslighted?

When you have a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you, after reading this blgo you may begin to notice an imbalance of power. It can seem like this person does no wrong and always has the upper hand despite evidence to the contrary. A partner who is gaslighting you may twist your sense of reality and cause you to question yourself. They often do harmful or dismissive things and then refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They refuse to validate your hurt feelings and can dismiss their way out of anything.Shifting the blame onto others comes second nature in those who gaslight others. Afterall, you’re just imagining things right? Keep in mind that the deeper their hooks sink in, the more you question your sanity. Manipulative people will leave you feeling alone, inadequate, and unstable. What’s worse, when you finally work up the courage to confront them, they have an explanation for everything.

Common Phrases Used in Gaslighting

  • You’re overreacting
  • You’re just paranoid
  • You made me act like this
  • Why do you keep bringing that up?
  • You are blowing this way out of proportion
  • You can’t take a joke
  • You’re way too sensitive
  • It wasn’t that big of a deal
  • This is just your own insecurity
  • That never happened

How to Break Free from Gaslighting

The first step to breaking free from manipulation is to set boundaries. Acknowledge the feelings of the person gaslighting you but inform them that you have your own truth. You have a right to your own feelings and your experience is valid. Keep a journal of conversations and events to help you stand firm in the truth of what happened and not the gaslighter’s manipulative spin. This can help you feel more sane and progressively gain your self-confidence back. Once you begin doing this, you will be able to see through their lies. Below are some phrases you can use to defuse the power they hold over you. Most people who gaslight will still try to power through any boundaries you set so be prepared to enforce them. There are times when you would set a boundary verbally and times when you would simply exit the situation depending on the intensity of the gaslighting. These are just a few things to consider or say.
I feel like I am not being heard, I need to take a break from this conversation.
I know how I feel, you do not have to agree with me.
I am allowed to have my own feelings and I am going to go if you continue telling me that my feelings are wrong or that I don’t understand.
My experiences and opinions are valid
I hear you, but my experience was different and I am going to hang up if you continue talking to me this way.
Until you are ready to consider my views, I am done with this conversation.

Not sure what to do? We can help!

If you need help gaining your confidence back, we are here for you. Knowing you’re being mentally abused and breaking free from it are two different things. We know how intimidating it can be to challenge someone who has been manipulating you through gaslighting. This is where we equip you with the tools you need internally and externally with the other person to set healthy boundaries. A person who uses gaslighting to get what they want may never respect your views, but they don’t have to. Asking for space, or informing them that you will talk when they can be reasonable and respectful is one way to start breaking free from their control over you.

At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we will equip you with the confidence to remove yourself from situations that no longer serve you (aka gaslighting). We are excited for the opportunity to guide you on your journey and empower you to move beyond just surviving to creating a life you are excited to live. We look forward to hearing from you and are excited to personalize your therapy experience to exactly what you need! You can get started today by calling (405) 921-7776 for more information.

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Andrew BrownAndrew Brown
11:05 06 Feb 24
Shawn called me directly and sought out a resolution with me for a recent poor experience I had. He showed genuine care and consideration over the phone, and demonstrated he truly cares about the clients that come here and wants everyone to get the help they need. That's how it needs to be in any place helping others in God. God bless.
Andy EatonAndy Eaton
21:00 11 Oct 23
I totally recommend Josh Rhoades. He's helped me overcome a lot of anxiety and work-related stress and the effects it's had on me this year. For any guys out there wondering if they should go to counseling, you should definitely give Josh and New Vision a try.
Mark VonFeldtMark VonFeldt
12:04 23 Aug 23
I admit I didn't think I needed counciling but when I hit a tough period in life. Caleb McKean at New Vison Counseling was extrodinary in helping me out and providing encourgement, prespective and confidence. In addition, it was great seeing Shawn McGuire who consitantly provided an uplifting personality that’s just contagious.
Elizabeth ProtzmanElizabeth Protzman
11:41 24 May 23
My husband and I just wrapped up counseling with Shawn. And if you told me 6 months ago our family would be how we are now, I would have been in total disbelief. Shawn’s approach to counseling is next level and took us to new places we never thought that we could experience freedom and he put a light on places we never knew were still dragging us down.My husband (before counseling) had past trauma that weighed him down so heavily that his negative self talk was taking over his mental life. He was completely unable to be social anywhere, see positivity in anything, and talked with a super meek voice because he didn’t see worth in himself. We thought that “this is just his personality”, but Shawn was able to uncover the trauma that was holding him back and helped him break free of it. He now speaks with a voice to be heard and even he engages in social situations!I went through a terrible health scare while we were going through sessions. My optometrist thought that I had a tumor or fluid build up in my skull. Shawn helped me navigate all of the feelings that I kept shoving down. On my second session of talking about this medical situation, we really got to the root of my stress and behavior in this situation and in life. I felt a ton of weight lifted off of me in that moment just by digging out every root in my heart that wasn’t welcome there. Later that day (a Thursday) I had my MRI scans and that Sunday I woke up headache/migraine free for the first time in four months. Monday I got the news that nothing was there. I truly believe that God did a healing work in that therapy session. A physical healing of my body and a spiritual healing of my mind.Through all of this Shawn was not only there for just our counseling sessions, but when I was going through all of the medical stuff he would check in and see how everything was going. He recommended for my husband to go to a camp that absolutely played a part in changing my husband’s life. And all that I’ve shared is only the surface of all of the healing we received. I would have to write a novel for the rest, lol.If you’re looking for healing and willing to show up and put in the work…Shawn will help you get there.
Steve RodriguezSteve Rodriguez
14:25 06 May 22
New Vision Counseling and Consulting saved my marriage as they helped and are helping me deal with my issues with depression and anxiety. I have been taught new methods of dealing with these issues and they are life saving. I have enjoyed my experience with Shawn Maguire, the best therapist I could ask for, and feel this place is a Godsend. I never thought therapy would work for me but I was wrong and wish I had come here sooner. Excited for what the future holds.

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