Signs That Your Marriage is Falling Apart

Signs That Your Marriage is Falling Apart

Marriage is one of the hardest relationships to navigate in life. One reason for this is that men and women are wired differently. This means that some issues will never be resolved, and that is okay. No relationship is perfect 100% of the time and both you and your spouse have likely made hurtful mistakes. Although arguments can be frustrating, disagreeing with your spouse is actually a normal part of the marital foundation. The kind of arguing and disagreements that are necessary in marriage are those where both people are heard, valued and both partners seek to understand each other. What if you don’t argue? You could say that couples who never argue are avoiding important topics or suppressing hurt feelings to keep the peace. When a couple has been married for more than a few years and shares they never argue I become very curious. I am curious to discover who is not being honest, who is dominating, who is hiding in fear, who is … and why?

Now that you have you are probably asking yourself “If arguing is normal, how do I really know my marriage is falling apart?” Those are great questions and I will begin to answer them. Below are some common warning signs that your marriage may be in trouble.


Renowned psychologist and marriage research expert John Gottman outlined four major relationship killers and criticism is at the forefront. Habitually criticizing your partner can create deep seated resentment and contempt. One form of criticism is attacking your spouse’s character. When things go wrong in your relationship, it is easy to blame the other person, but it is essential to attack the problem rather than the person. This does not mean that you have to keep your negative feelings to yourself, but does indicate that you should choose your words wisely. Instead of saying things like “You always do this, you are so selfish and dismissive!” You can say, “When you make decisions without involving me, it really hurts and makes me feel like my opinion doesn’t matter.” In this way, you are communicating your hurt without condemning your spouse.

Toxic Environment

Feeling drained when you’re at home or around your spouse is a sign that something is wrong. Maybe they constantly complain or only focus on the negative. This can cause you to feel like nothing you ever do will be good enough for them, and this is an exhausting environment to live in. When you are surrounded by this type of outlook, you may begin experiencing feelings of helplessness or worthlessness. These feelings commonly precede the development of depression and other self-esteem issues if not processed effectively. To protect yourself from sinking into a negative space, set healthy boundaries with your spouse. It is not your job to fix their mess, but it is your job to guard your happiness and well-being.

Lack of Intimacy

Maybe you and your spouse struggle to connect or no longer enjoy being around one another. What once was exciting and intimate can begin to seem like a chore. This causes you to spend less time with your spouse and may eventually lead you to imagine life without them. You may begin to distance yourself from them or deny their bids for affection. Eventually, you are living with a person who you no longer know. All the qualities that attracted you to them in the beginning have disappeared and you may feel like you are married to a roommate. This is why it is important to continually create new, shared meaning. Make it a point to try out a new hobby, or schedule time for intimate connection. By doing so, you grow with your spouse and nurture the connection you share.


When marriages begin to struggle, it is not uncommon for spouses to seek connection elsewhere. This includes both being physically or emotionally intimate with a person outside of your marriage. A common misconception in the relationship world is that cheating only pertains to having sex with another person who is not your spouse. But, creating an emotional connection that provides you with satisfaction is also infidelity. You may notice your spouse taking a sudden interest in their appearance, staying out later than usual, or becoming territorial with their phone. If so, it is wise to address your concerns with your spouse by having an honest conversation. During the discussion if they become overly defensive or dismiss your feelings, it may be time to take further action or seek professional help.

Next Steps

We are all built for intimacy and connection, but relationships are hard. Feeling like your relationship is doomed? You are not alone. Whether you are experiencing a major betrayal in your marriage or simply want to develop healthy skills to improve your connection, marriage counseling can help. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we have therapists from all walks of life who are trained in experts ins in helping you in your marriage. We are here to guide you through the ups and downs that happen in any relationship. Your therapist will create a compassionate and understanding environment that gives you and your partner a safe space to identify and work through your problems. If you are ready to invest in the future of your relationship, call us at (405)-921-7776.

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Andrew BrownAndrew Brown
11:05 06 Feb 24
Shawn called me directly and sought out a resolution with me for a recent poor experience I had. He showed genuine care and consideration over the phone, and demonstrated he truly cares about the clients that come here and wants everyone to get the help they need. That's how it needs to be in any place helping others in God. God bless.
Andy EatonAndy Eaton
21:00 11 Oct 23
I totally recommend Josh Rhoades. He's helped me overcome a lot of anxiety and work-related stress and the effects it's had on me this year. For any guys out there wondering if they should go to counseling, you should definitely give Josh and New Vision a try.
Mark VonFeldtMark VonFeldt
12:04 23 Aug 23
I admit I didn't think I needed counciling but when I hit a tough period in life. Caleb McKean at New Vison Counseling was extrodinary in helping me out and providing encourgement, prespective and confidence. In addition, it was great seeing Shawn McGuire who consitantly provided an uplifting personality that’s just contagious.
Elizabeth ProtzmanElizabeth Protzman
11:41 24 May 23
My husband and I just wrapped up counseling with Shawn. And if you told me 6 months ago our family would be how we are now, I would have been in total disbelief. Shawn’s approach to counseling is next level and took us to new places we never thought that we could experience freedom and he put a light on places we never knew were still dragging us down.My husband (before counseling) had past trauma that weighed him down so heavily that his negative self talk was taking over his mental life. He was completely unable to be social anywhere, see positivity in anything, and talked with a super meek voice because he didn’t see worth in himself. We thought that “this is just his personality”, but Shawn was able to uncover the trauma that was holding him back and helped him break free of it. He now speaks with a voice to be heard and even he engages in social situations!I went through a terrible health scare while we were going through sessions. My optometrist thought that I had a tumor or fluid build up in my skull. Shawn helped me navigate all of the feelings that I kept shoving down. On my second session of talking about this medical situation, we really got to the root of my stress and behavior in this situation and in life. I felt a ton of weight lifted off of me in that moment just by digging out every root in my heart that wasn’t welcome there. Later that day (a Thursday) I had my MRI scans and that Sunday I woke up headache/migraine free for the first time in four months. Monday I got the news that nothing was there. I truly believe that God did a healing work in that therapy session. A physical healing of my body and a spiritual healing of my mind.Through all of this Shawn was not only there for just our counseling sessions, but when I was going through all of the medical stuff he would check in and see how everything was going. He recommended for my husband to go to a camp that absolutely played a part in changing my husband’s life. And all that I’ve shared is only the surface of all of the healing we received. I would have to write a novel for the rest, lol.If you’re looking for healing and willing to show up and put in the work…Shawn will help you get there.
Steve RodriguezSteve Rodriguez
14:25 06 May 22
New Vision Counseling and Consulting saved my marriage as they helped and are helping me deal with my issues with depression and anxiety. I have been taught new methods of dealing with these issues and they are life saving. I have enjoyed my experience with Shawn Maguire, the best therapist I could ask for, and feel this place is a Godsend. I never thought therapy would work for me but I was wrong and wish I had come here sooner. Excited for what the future holds.

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