
Let’s face it, women are complex beings who have long eluded the full understanding of men. If you are struggling in your marriage, you may not know what to do, but there is a key to winning her heart back. Women are emotional beings and need to feel safe in their relationships. According to psychologist and world-renowned relationship expert John Gottman, women report trustworthiness and emotional support as their top relational needs. Below are some tips on how to meet both of these needs and succeed in your marriage.
Emotional Attunement
You may be wondering what emotional attunement is .. The good news is we have the answer! Emotional attunement is genuinely engaging with your wife on an emotional level. Some examples are turning toward her physically, being empathetic, and genuinely showing concern when she is speaking with you about how she feels. Listen in a non-defensive way, ask questions, and validate her feelings. This emotional connection will earn you serious brownie points and provide her with an environment where she feels comfortable being herself.
Emotions can immediately send men running in the other direction, but understanding how to respond to emotional needs is vital if you desire to have a healthy relationship. When women are in a negative emotional space, the knee-jerk reaction for most men is to “fix” the situation or make it go away. This is likely due to the fact that men wish to make their wives happy. If your wife is unhappy, it is easy to assume that you did something wrong. However, many times she just needs her feelings validated and to feel supported by you instead of fixed by you.
Be Reliable
Being reliable means showing up as your true, authentic self. Follow through with what you say you will do and be accountable. Women are intuitive in nature and can tell when you are not being genuine, or when you are completing a task simply to gain something for yourself. Do something that makes your wife feel special without expecting anything in return. Show her that she can count on you when times are tough and that you will selflessly support her.
If she’s had a long day, and you are able to, have dinner ready for her when she comes home. Does your wife seem stressed out with extracurriculars, sports, and piano lessons? Learn your kids’ schedules and get them where they need to be on time. I guarantee this will take a weight off her shoulders and let her know that she can count on you to co-parent and be present in all areas of life.

Communication
It is no secret that men and women communicate differently. Women often take longer to get to the point because they add details and dramatic effect… Okay, maybe not totally accurate but many men would agree with this. Men usually get straight to the point, leave out important details, and can seem almost emotionless. You may not agree with this assumption either, but I know many women who, because of their past experiences, fully believe this. The bottom line is that communication is one of the biggest struggles in any relationship. This becomes increasingly evident in relationships that are struggling to survive. Make sure to tell your wife how you feel. Don’t leave out details, and put some thought into the words you use.
Break the Cycle
All relationships can be seen as a transactional process at the core of their being. Once two people have been married and have lived together for an extended period of time, habits form and expectations are set. This can be both a good thing and a bad thing. In the beginning, the effort you put into your relationship sets up the expectations for the future. Unfortunately, when these expectations are suddenly not being met, a problem presents itself. This lower-quality relationship becomes the expectation and causes everything else to be filtered through this vicious cycle. You realize that certain things set you off about your wife and vice versa. You each know what triggers the other, and when things are not healthy, many use this as a tactic to get back at their spouse.
It can be hard to set an example by taking the lead and being the one who initiates change. Before you dismiss me, what if this could be a game changer in your marriage? Trust me, this matters more than you know, and I will explain why. John Gottman has discovered the key to successful relationships, and not-so-successful ones, through research and studies between men and women. He found that in most heterosexual relationships, the man either makes or breaks the relationship. Don’t be the one to break your marriage! Lead by example and she will likely let her defenses slowly, over time, and follow your lead.
Next Steps
We hope you found this message helpful and will take these recommendations into consideration. Relationships are complex and you may need more help than what we can offer through this blog. The good news is you don’t have to become discouraged if making these changes is not enough to heal your marriage. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we provide a safe and non judgemental environment where both you and your wife can feel seen, heard and valued. Our team of caring and highly trained counselors are here and ready to guide you to the marriage you have always dreamed of. If you are ready to take the leap of faith and get expert counsel from our team of caring therapists, you can reach out by calling (405-) 921-7776





















































































