How to Win your Wife Back

How to Win your Wife Back

How To Win Your Wife Back

Let’s face it, women are complex beings who have long eluded the full understanding of men. If you are struggling in your marriage, you may not know what to do, but there is a key to winning her heart back. Women are emotional beings and need to feel safe in their relationships. According to psychologist and world-renowned relationship expert John Gottman, women report trustworthiness and emotional support as their top relational needs. Below are some tips on how to meet both of these needs and succeed in your marriage.

Emotional Attunement

You may be wondering what emotional attunement is .. The good news is we have the answer! Emotional attunement is genuinely engaging with your wife on an emotional level. Some examples are turning toward her physically, being empathetic, and genuinely showing concern when she is speaking with you about how she feels. Listen in a non-defensive way, ask questions, and validate her feelings. This emotional connection will earn you serious brownie points and provide her with an environment where she feels comfortable being herself.

Emotions can immediately send men running in the other direction, but understanding how to respond to emotional needs is vital if you desire to have a healthy relationship. When women are in a negative emotional space, the knee-jerk reaction for most men is to “fix” the situation or make it go away. This is likely due to the fact that men wish to make their wives happy. If your wife is unhappy, it is easy to assume that you did something wrong. However, many times she just needs her feelings validated and to feel supported by you instead of fixed by you.

Be Reliable

Being reliable means showing up as your true, authentic self. Follow through with what you say you will do and be accountable. Women are intuitive in nature and can tell when you are not being genuine, or when you are completing a task simply to gain something for yourself. Do something that makes your wife feel special without expecting anything in return. Show her that she can count on you when times are tough and that you will selflessly support her.

If she’s had a long day, and you are able to, have dinner ready for her when she comes home. Does your wife seem stressed out with extracurriculars, sports, and piano lessons? Learn your kids’ schedules and get them where they need to be on time. I guarantee this will take a weight off her shoulders and let her know that she can count on you to co-parent and be present in all areas of life.

Win Wife Back


It is no secret that men and women communicate differently. Women often take longer to get to the point because they add details and dramatic effect… Okay, maybe not totally accurate but many men would agree with this. Men usually get straight to the point, leave out important details, and can seem almost emotionless. You may not agree with this assumption either, but I know many women who, because of their past experiences, fully believe this. The bottom line is that communication is one of the biggest struggles in any relationship. This becomes increasingly evident in relationships that are struggling to survive. Make sure to tell your wife how you feel. Don’t leave out details, and put some thought into the words you use.

Break the Cycle

All relationships can be seen as a transactional process at the core of their being. Once two people have been married and have lived together for an extended period of time, habits form and expectations are set. This can be both a good thing and a bad thing. In the beginning, the effort you put into your relationship sets up the expectations for the future. Unfortunately, when these expectations are suddenly not being met, a problem presents itself. This lower-quality relationship becomes the expectation and causes everything else to be filtered through this vicious cycle. You realize that certain things set you off about your wife and vice versa. You each know what triggers the other, and when things are not healthy, many use this as a tactic to get back at their spouse.

It can be hard to set an example by taking the lead and being the one who initiates change. Before you dismiss me, what if this could be a game changer in your marriage? Trust me, this matters more than you know, and I will explain why. John Gottman has discovered the key to successful relationships, and not-so-successful ones, through research and studies between men and women. He found that in most heterosexual relationships, the man either makes or breaks the relationship. Don’t be the one to break your marriage! Lead by example and she will likely let her defenses slowly, over time, and follow your lead.

How To Win Wife Back

Next Steps

We hope you found this message helpful and will take these recommendations into consideration. Relationships are complex and you may need more help than what we can offer through this blog. The good news is you don’t have to become discouraged if making these changes is not enough to heal your marriage. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we provide a safe and non judgemental environment where both you and your wife can feel seen, heard and valued. Our team of caring and highly trained counselors are here and ready to guide you to the marriage you have always dreamed of. If you are ready to take the leap of faith and get expert counsel from our team of caring therapists, you can reach out by calling (405-) 921-7776

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Andrew BrownAndrew Brown
11:05 06 Feb 24
Shawn called me directly and sought out a resolution with me for a recent poor experience I had. He showed genuine care and consideration over the phone, and demonstrated he truly cares about the clients that come here and wants everyone to get the help they need. That's how it needs to be in any place helping others in God. God bless.
Andy EatonAndy Eaton
21:00 11 Oct 23
I totally recommend Josh Rhoades. He's helped me overcome a lot of anxiety and work-related stress and the effects it's had on me this year. For any guys out there wondering if they should go to counseling, you should definitely give Josh and New Vision a try.
Mark VonFeldtMark VonFeldt
12:04 23 Aug 23
I admit I didn't think I needed counciling but when I hit a tough period in life. Caleb McKean at New Vison Counseling was extrodinary in helping me out and providing encourgement, prespective and confidence. In addition, it was great seeing Shawn McGuire who consitantly provided an uplifting personality that’s just contagious.
Elizabeth ProtzmanElizabeth Protzman
11:41 24 May 23
My husband and I just wrapped up counseling with Shawn. And if you told me 6 months ago our family would be how we are now, I would have been in total disbelief. Shawn’s approach to counseling is next level and took us to new places we never thought that we could experience freedom and he put a light on places we never knew were still dragging us down.My husband (before counseling) had past trauma that weighed him down so heavily that his negative self talk was taking over his mental life. He was completely unable to be social anywhere, see positivity in anything, and talked with a super meek voice because he didn’t see worth in himself. We thought that “this is just his personality”, but Shawn was able to uncover the trauma that was holding him back and helped him break free of it. He now speaks with a voice to be heard and even he engages in social situations!I went through a terrible health scare while we were going through sessions. My optometrist thought that I had a tumor or fluid build up in my skull. Shawn helped me navigate all of the feelings that I kept shoving down. On my second session of talking about this medical situation, we really got to the root of my stress and behavior in this situation and in life. I felt a ton of weight lifted off of me in that moment just by digging out every root in my heart that wasn’t welcome there. Later that day (a Thursday) I had my MRI scans and that Sunday I woke up headache/migraine free for the first time in four months. Monday I got the news that nothing was there. I truly believe that God did a healing work in that therapy session. A physical healing of my body and a spiritual healing of my mind.Through all of this Shawn was not only there for just our counseling sessions, but when I was going through all of the medical stuff he would check in and see how everything was going. He recommended for my husband to go to a camp that absolutely played a part in changing my husband’s life. And all that I’ve shared is only the surface of all of the healing we received. I would have to write a novel for the rest, lol.If you’re looking for healing and willing to show up and put in the work…Shawn will help you get there.
Steve RodriguezSteve Rodriguez
14:25 06 May 22
New Vision Counseling and Consulting saved my marriage as they helped and are helping me deal with my issues with depression and anxiety. I have been taught new methods of dealing with these issues and they are life saving. I have enjoyed my experience with Shawn Maguire, the best therapist I could ask for, and feel this place is a Godsend. I never thought therapy would work for me but I was wrong and wish I had come here sooner. Excited for what the future holds.

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