Will Marriage Counseling help?
Where has the time gone? You quietly tell yourself “I guess nothing lasts forever”.
You used to be so in love with each other. Enjoying each other’s company and time spent with the family, but now the spark, romance is gone.
Sure you both still say the words “I love you,” but there is something a bit hollow in them.
A stay at home mom and your husband working all the time leaves you both feeling empty and alone.
Household responsibilities and work seem to get in the way of taking time enjoying each other or the kids. There is no time for going to the park, walks throughout the neighborhood, or any meaningful interaction as a family.
By the time the chaos of the evening finally winds down, it’s as though one of you or both are completely exhausted and checked out. What’s worse is that this is the only opportunity you have with one another before the lights go out and you rinse and repeat.
You’ve tried being nice, sending cute texts, focusing more on the other person, providing non-sexual touch, and it feels as though it goes unnoticed.
Your sex life has been emotionally reduced down to a one-night stand.
You’re struggling in every aspect of life trying to hold on to a love that once blossomed.
Not to mention worrying about the kids!!
You want your Marriage Back
Oh, how you want to pour your love out and be loved in return. You desire romance and friendship, not just to be a single parent raising your kids alone.
Maybe you’ve tried Marriage Counseling before and it was not successful.
If that is you, I am so sorry about your experience. All too often, as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I hear this very sentiment from couples in their first counseling session.
In my experience marriage counseling, only works when both partners are willing to be open and honest with one another. Couples have to actively participate in changing the rut they find themselves stuck in.
Here are 5 tips that I have personally seen, help couples like you in marriage counseling.
- Remember
Remember how you felt when you first met, how you fell in love with one another, and why you chose to get married in the first place. It’s time to remember the vows you made to one another at the altar.
Try and remember the good times you had. Right now it may be hard to see those good times, through the mess you’re in now, but try.
You have the ability to change who you are right now and be who you once were. Madly in love, so full of life and joy, do you remember?
- Engage
Use this opportunity to begin pouring into your loved one. The key in this is to not do this with the expectation of anything in return. The goal here is to see once again the person you once were so in love with. And for them to feel love without strings attached.
Take time to focus on your friendship. There once was a time before you were lovers you were friends. You most likely spent countless hours talking to one another about nothing and everything.
Engage your spouse with your time. You may not even realize how much time you are spending working or even thinking about work when you could be focusing on them.
- Rekindle
Rekindle the fire. When you build a fire you have to start with the kindling (the small pieces of twigs and dry stuff found on the ground). These little pieces ignite quickly and burn fast. Their purpose is to burn long enough to ignite the bigger pieces of wood.
This same principle should be applied to your smoldering relationship. Begin by doing little things that mean so much to your partner with the hope that they will last long enough to light the bigger deeper parts of the heart.
- Resist
At all costs, resist. Resist the urge to argue, fight, belittle, begin a tit-for-tat cycle. These actions are some of the quickest ways to negate any positive momentum you’ve made. Not only does it hurt your spouse, but it hurts you. It allows bitterness and resentment to creep into your relationship.
Resist pointing fingers and the blame-game. Relationships are not always 50/50, sometimes they are 80/20, 99/01, 60/40. There are times when you have more to give and others where you need to receive.
- Request
Request help from professionals that specialize in helping couples change their relationship. If you have a medical condition, you’re going to seek out a specialist for your issue, not a generalist. Would you like more information on counselors that specialize in Marriage Counseling OKC?
If you’re seeing a counselor and do not feel it’s helping, request a referral to another counselor. Requesting a referral does not mean that the counselor is bad, there are a number of reasons why counseling may not be working.
We provide Marriage Counseling in OKC and Edmond
Written by: Daniel Edwards, II., MS, LMFT. Daniel is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist that specializes in couples counseling focusing on building trust, respect, kindness, and affection in their relationships.