3 Tips to Not Make In-Laws, Outlaws

Marriage brings about many changes and challenges. One such challenge is building a loving and cooperative relationship with your in-laws.  Here are three tips to keep the peace and steer clear of relationship pitfalls with In-Laws.

Establish clear boundaries right away.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:6 (NIV).

Your home is intended to be one of the pleasant places to establish and develop a family.  The home is the space that should feel pleasant, safe, and beautiful.  When couples marry, they must determine what their pleasant place looks and feels like. Although healthy relationships with family can be the most challenging to establish and form, healthy boundaries must be established to prevent any disruption to this sanctuary.   Couples should discuss boundaries for in-laws before marriage and then communicate these boundaries with the in-laws to minimize conflict.  Consider this scripture, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24-25 (NIV).  As a married couple you and your spouse will establish values and traditions for your growing family apart from those of your parents and family including childrearing practices.  Your in-laws may not agree but you must both present a united front to your families.

Build a Healthy Relationship with Your In-Laws

Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.”  Ephesians 6:2-3

This scripture extends to your in-laws as well. Treat in-laws like you would any other member of your family as they are your family.  Love your in-laws and tell them you do. Build a healthy relationship with your in-laws but do not expect to be close right away. Give your relationship the time it needs to grow. Discover ways to connect through shared hobbies or interests as it demonstrates that you are making an effort to know and understand them.  Listen to their stories even if you have heard them several times.  They can provide a wealth of knowledge and wisdom about life in general or about your partner, which may help you learn more about them. Also, it might make them feel good be listened to as well.   

Keep quarrels to yourself

“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.  And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.”  II Timothy 2:23-24 (NIV)

Do not complain about your spouse to your parents or in-laws.  Hearing complaints will likely cause them to become defensive. In-laws will always take the side of their child, sibling, or family member. Discussing problems or issues in the marriage may make the situation worse.  Work out your issues privately with your spouse. Do not attempt to get your spouse’s family involved or make them choose sides. 

In a Conflict Between Your Spouse and Your Family, Support Your Spouse.

Your loyalty is to your spouse. It is your duty to support your husband or wife and manage your family in a way that consistently conveys this fact. Again, you must both present a united front to your families, making it clear from the beginning that your spouse comes first. Marital problems typically occur quickly in couples where an allegiance has not been established. A failure to support your partner may lead to bitter disputes and one partner feeling isolated.  You and your spouse must agree on how to handle issues as in-laws are an inherent part of your life. A mutual understanding will help nurture healthy relationships with your in-laws.   

Be as patient with in-laws as they learn to let go. Don’t complain to others or speak unfavorably of your in-laws. Do not compare your in-laws to your parents or family. Be willing to compromise. Your family may have different values that you feel need defending when you’re with your in-laws but do not take the bait!   Offense is one of the most common causes of relationship pitfalls with in-laws. Let go of the need to prove anything. Again, give your relationship with your in-laws time to grow.  

Saving your Marriage Before it Starts

How Premarital Counseling uses SYMBIS Tool to Create an Amazing Marriage

In a marriage relationship, the first 12 months are crucial to the life of the marriage. You see, in these first 12 months you are creating relational habits that will determine the path of how your marriage develops. Whether a highway to the beach or a highway to the desert, these habits of living and relating to each other will take you to different destinations. The couple who is unable to be honest and resorts to blaming and name calling to work through conflict will find themselves on a different highway than the couple who utilizes kindness and listening to work through life’s inevitable adversities best marriage therapist oklahoma city. This is one reason we focus so heavily on helping to identify future pitfalls and then equipping you with the skills and resources to build your dream marriage.

At New Vision Counseling, our therapists are certified in a premarital resource called SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts). This comprehensive assessment helps bypass much of the premarital counseling fluff and focuses on what you as a couple really need for success best marriage therapist oklahoma city. SYMBIS gives us an overview of where you come from, who you are, and the strengths and growth opportunities to focus on. It highlights areas that may be current issues and helps predict issues that could explode out of control in the future. This predictive mechanism is like being given a chance to diffuse a bomb before it explodes.

Consider this, all of us will end up somewhere in our married life, but very few of us end up there on purpose. The destination could be divorce, misery, or marital bliss that grows with each passing year. The great news is, the choice is yours. How amazing would it be to become one of the few who chooses your destination on purpose? That is where we come in best marriage therapist oklahoma city. Let us walk with you through this amazing season where you get to choose where you go.

The process can be as quick as a 4-hour intensive (if time is an issue) or spread out over several appointments; the average couple utilizes between 4-8 sessions. However, we value you as individuals and a “one of a kind” couple and will get to know you and make adjustments according to your unique needs. You ask, what’s the next step? That’s easy, reach out to us through phone or email and set up an appointment to get started. This is an amazing time of building your highways and we are excited to collaborate with God and with you in this process. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

If you want to learn more about SYMBIS, click on this link Symbis.com.