If you are reading this I am going to assume that you and your partner are experiencing trust issues. Trust issues are a common theme throughout relationships and will continue to be a problem until you break the cycle.
In any relationship a person is going to go into it with past insecurities that have stemmed from either former relationships or experiences. Just because they were in the past, doesn’t mean that it won’t affect your current relationship.
Whether the trust problems are created by your relationship or external circumstances and people it is vital to address them. You can start by identifying the insecurities, acknowledge feelings and make apologies and changes where necessary.
Step 1: Address Insecurities
Addressing insecurities is important because you want to be able to understand where your partner has been hurt in the past. Whether that be from you or former relationships. Knowing each other’s insecurities helps you to become more sensitive to future incidents that may hit a painful spot in your partner.
If the insecurities are coming from your relationship it is vital that you confront these or the cycle of mistrust will continue. This is not to put blame or shame on your partner, but to better understand the best ways you both can move forward.
Step 2: Acknowledge Feelings
When a person has insecurities there are going to be feelings associated with those insecurities. For example, that could be shame, embarrassment, sadness, or betrayal. One way you can acknowledge your partner’s feelings is by validating them and paraphrasing what they share back to them. This is called reflective listening.
Your partner tells you a story about how their mother always used to put them down and embarrass them in front of their friends.
“It sounds like you felt embarrassed and insecure when your mom would degrade you in front of your friends. That’s why you get emotional with any comments about how you look.”
Step 3: Take Ownership of Your Actions
If the insecurities have to do with something that you have done it is significant to be able to address those and take responsibility. Taking responsibility starts with an apology. Something to remember is that apologies should not include explanations of excuses for your actions.
Even if the insecurities that your partner is facing don’t have anything to do with you, you can still empathize with their struggle. Doing this shows your partner that you have empathy and sensitivity to their situation. You can say something as simple as “I am sorry you had to go through that. You didn’t deserve that.”
If you and your partner are facing trust issues in your relationship, at New Vision Counseling and Consulting we are here to help. We have trained therapists who are experts in relationships and can walk you through how to address insecurities, acknowledge feelings, and take ownership of your actions. We can be reached at (405) 921-7776. We look forward to hearing from you soon!