Conquering Conflict in your Marriage

Conquering Conflict in your Marriage

Every marriage comes with conflict whether that be problems with money, parenting, expectations, intimacy, or a sin committed by a partner. If you are unable to successfully communicate with one another it might feel as though you are on a merry – go-round, constantly having the same conversations about the same topics.

If this is you I have good news. It’s called speaker-listener technique and it can help. This approach will help you and your partner communicate in a clear and safe way. The goal is for both parties to be able to speak their mind, but also get the chance to genuinely reflect on how their partner is feeling as well.

Facing Conflict

How it Works

This technique is successful because both people get a chance to be the speaker and the listener. Knowing your role will help you stay on topic instead of jumping from one subject to the next. It will also avoid dealing with interruptions, mind-reading, and jumping to conclusions.

Helpful Tip: Hold an object like a pen, phone, or a paper with the rules on them when you are the one speaking. This will help clarify and respect the person expressing their thoughts and feelings.

Speaker Role

When you are the speaker it is important to remember that you are going to get more than one time to talk, so you don’t have to say everything all at once. Set a timer and talk for 3 minutes, making sure to give time to for the listener to rephrase what they hear every 30 seconds or less. This gives the listener a better chance of understanding what you are saying because there is not as much information. When its a really hot topic make sure that the speaker keeps statements brief. And never go on and on or you will likely not be heard and the listener may become overwhelmed.

As the speaker you want to focus on your own actions and feelings, not your partners. A good way to do this is by using “I statements”. Using these statements helps keep the topic on how something is affecting you instead of putting blame on your partner. Here are some examples:

  • I feel frustrated when my feelings are not acknowledged.
  • I felt embarrassed the other night when the topic of my weight came up in front of our friends and was hurt when you told everyone how much I weighed.
  • I don’t feel valued when you are playing games on your phone when I am talking to you.

Listener Role

The biggest role of the listener is to paraphrase what you are hearing from the other person. By paraphrasing your partner will be able to identify if you are following along and understanding what they are communicating to you.

It is not your job to rebut, argue, or state your case when it comes to what your partner is saying. This is not an exercise in forcing you to agree with them but to simply understand them. In relationships so many arguments stem from misunderstandings. You will have time to ask questions and speak your mind when you are the speaker. As the listener, focus on the feelings and concerns of your spouse.

This is just a quick overview to help every couple improve their relationship by teaching them ways to better understand each other. There are so many more nuances we could jump into on how to make this amazing for your relationship, business, friendships… And after all that, there is a need to practice with real topics. This is where so many of us start fighting and need help.

Next Step

If you are having conflicts in your marriage and are looking for a change, New Vision Counseling and Consulting is here to help. We have trained therapists who will help navigate you and your partner through whatever struggles you may be facing. The next natural step is to call us at (405) 921-7776. We look forward to hearing from you soon!

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Andrew BrownAndrew Brown
11:05 06 Feb 24
Shawn called me directly and sought out a resolution with me for a recent poor experience I had. He showed genuine care and consideration over the phone, and demonstrated he truly cares about the clients that come here and wants everyone to get the help they need. That's how it needs to be in any place helping others in God. God bless.
Andy EatonAndy Eaton
21:00 11 Oct 23
I totally recommend Josh Rhoades. He's helped me overcome a lot of anxiety and work-related stress and the effects it's had on me this year. For any guys out there wondering if they should go to counseling, you should definitely give Josh and New Vision a try.
Mark VonFeldtMark VonFeldt
12:04 23 Aug 23
I admit I didn't think I needed counciling but when I hit a tough period in life. Caleb McKean at New Vison Counseling was extrodinary in helping me out and providing encourgement, prespective and confidence. In addition, it was great seeing Shawn McGuire who consitantly provided an uplifting personality that’s just contagious.
Elizabeth ProtzmanElizabeth Protzman
11:41 24 May 23
My husband and I just wrapped up counseling with Shawn. And if you told me 6 months ago our family would be how we are now, I would have been in total disbelief. Shawn’s approach to counseling is next level and took us to new places we never thought that we could experience freedom and he put a light on places we never knew were still dragging us down.My husband (before counseling) had past trauma that weighed him down so heavily that his negative self talk was taking over his mental life. He was completely unable to be social anywhere, see positivity in anything, and talked with a super meek voice because he didn’t see worth in himself. We thought that “this is just his personality”, but Shawn was able to uncover the trauma that was holding him back and helped him break free of it. He now speaks with a voice to be heard and even he engages in social situations!I went through a terrible health scare while we were going through sessions. My optometrist thought that I had a tumor or fluid build up in my skull. Shawn helped me navigate all of the feelings that I kept shoving down. On my second session of talking about this medical situation, we really got to the root of my stress and behavior in this situation and in life. I felt a ton of weight lifted off of me in that moment just by digging out every root in my heart that wasn’t welcome there. Later that day (a Thursday) I had my MRI scans and that Sunday I woke up headache/migraine free for the first time in four months. Monday I got the news that nothing was there. I truly believe that God did a healing work in that therapy session. A physical healing of my body and a spiritual healing of my mind.Through all of this Shawn was not only there for just our counseling sessions, but when I was going through all of the medical stuff he would check in and see how everything was going. He recommended for my husband to go to a camp that absolutely played a part in changing my husband’s life. And all that I’ve shared is only the surface of all of the healing we received. I would have to write a novel for the rest, lol.If you’re looking for healing and willing to show up and put in the work…Shawn will help you get there.
Steve RodriguezSteve Rodriguez
14:25 06 May 22
New Vision Counseling and Consulting saved my marriage as they helped and are helping me deal with my issues with depression and anxiety. I have been taught new methods of dealing with these issues and they are life saving. I have enjoyed my experience with Shawn Maguire, the best therapist I could ask for, and feel this place is a Godsend. I never thought therapy would work for me but I was wrong and wish I had come here sooner. Excited for what the future holds.

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11209 N May Ave
Oklahoma City, OK 73120

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