Have you ever felt taken out by a person or a circumstance and felt like all hope was lost? Maybe thatâ€™s where youâ€™re at today? This reminds me of a man in the Bible named Peter. Peter was the kind of guy who went all out for Jesus. He left his family and fishing career and was the guy who walked on water for at least a minute. Peter was rewarded by seeing miracles, being one of the 12 disciples and even an intimate part of Jesusâ€™ most trusted inner circle of three. They ate together, traveled and ministered together and talked about issues like who would be the greatest. Peterâ€™s dream of restoring Israel back to her former glory was happening and he was at the center of it all. He even told Jesus that even if everyone else deserted Him, he would not. For Peter, life was great.
And then Judas betrays Jesus and the life that he knows is jeopardized. But Peter is fierce and doesnâ€™t go down without a fight. He brandishes his sword and defends his Jesus and the dream life he has been living. What happens next was the beginning of the end for Peter and the life he knew. Jesus tells Peter to put the sword away then heals the man Peter wounded. Soon after, the son of God who cast out demons and raised the dead was taken prisoner.
This was too much for Peter and he fled. He fled because everything he thought to be true had just been wrecked. Peter lingered at a distance and denied knowing Jesus three times as Jesus was being judged. He had lost his identity because his identity was in the dream of who he wanted Jesus to be and not who Jesus really was. And then Jesus was crucified and the finality of his loss was made certain. This was Peterâ€™s darkest hour.
But then the resurrection and hope was restored! Jesus met up with Peter as the risen King. He then asked Peter 3 times â€śDo you love me?â€ť The conversation reached the point where Peter was really hurt and said â€śYou know I love you.â€ť Jesus had to acknowledge the depth of shame and pain Peter felt in his failure and lost identity to prepare Peter to receive a new one. This would be Peterâ€™s come back. Then Jesus said â€śgo and feed my sheepâ€ť. This is the equivalent of Jesus saying your shame and failures do not disqualify you from your calling. I am validating you as a loved child of God who is qualified by what I have done. The focus has now shifted from Peterâ€™s identity being in his beliefs and abilities to Jesus and who He says Peter is.
How have you experienced a set back or felt like a failure?
Pray and ask God to show you how he wants to take you from Set Back to Come Back?
Shawn Maguire is a Licensed Professional Counselor who has served marriages, families and individuals for almost 25 years. He is the owner of New Vision Counseling, a place where therapists integrate their faith with cutting edge counseling techniques to offer hope and healing in any circumstance of life. You can find out more about Shawn and his team at NewVisionCounseling.org or follow him on facebook and Instagram
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone was unabashedly destroying you with their words. Tell me if any of this sounds familiar â€śYou stupid idiot, why did you do that?â€ť Or how about â€śCanâ€™t you do anything right?â€ť Or how about â€śYou are not as pretty as, smart as, fast as, rich as, loved as the list seems to never end.â€ť If you have ever been talked to like this you know how awful it feels. How we can feel paralyzed and hopeless when someone who is close to us criticizes us like this. How can we value ourselves if someone who is supposed to be for us betrays us like this? Many of us have had a parent talk to us like this. Others, like me, have suffered feeling not good enough by the absence of a parent. But right now I am not talking about any of them. I am talking about you. What if this is the way your internal critic talks to you. Ouch!
The great news is today is your day to take back control. God did not wire us to tolerate critical and abusive words. He wired us to live and give love and that is where we are headed today. You have already done Step one and thatâ€™s identify the critical voices that are not serving you well.
Step two is to identify who they sound like from your present or past. If you are not sure then ask if it sounds like a male you know or a female you know. Sometimes you may need to pray and listen to identify the origins. When you get the answer write it down.
Step three is to look up in your Bible (or just ask Alexa) who God says you are. Ask how much He loves you and how He sees you. Does he think you are worthy of love, intelligent, good enough, and worth fighting for? If you are still not sure then Jesus dying to take your place is a good start.
Step Four is where the rubber meets the road and you activate Godâ€™s truth in your life. Select the top 5 scriptures and phrases you have found and immerse yourself in them. Do this a minimum of three focused times per day. This could look like morning, noon and night. In addition to reading and memorizing what is true, where a rubber band or set alerts on your phone to remind you to look at them throughout the day. And every time the negative voices begin spewing their venom choose to replace them with Godâ€™s truth. And watch your belief system slowly but surely begin to shift.
Shawn Maguire is a Licensed Professional Counselor who has served marriages, families and individuals for almost 25 years. He is the owner of New Vision Counseling, a place where therapists integrate. their faith with cutting edge counseling techniques to offer hope and healing in any circumstance of life. You can find out more about Shawn and his team at NewVisionCounseling.org or follow him on facebook and Instagram at NewVisionCounseling
For most of my life I have been ruled by fear of rejection. I remember being paralyzed in elementary school when they were picking teams for kickball at recess. I wanted to be picked first, but kids picked their best friends first so I was left somewhere in the middle or end. Sometimes I wouldnâ€™t even play. In junior high I was afraid to ask questions in many classes because I didn’t want to look dumb and be made fun of. As a result my grades were average because I didnâ€™t ask for help. And I wonâ€™t even go into how many countless opportunities fear of rejection stole from me in college, my career and potential relationships. Lets just say the words painful and regret come to mind. Can you relate?
You may be wondering how this relates to a funeral? Great question and this story will explain how. I remember being at a loved ones funeral several years ago. I looked around and it was a big church with only about fifty people in attendance. I was hoping more people would come to my funeral. The pastor got up and shared some obscure story about the man that further validated my suspicion that the pastor didn’t really know the deceased. I couldnâ€™t help but thinking this guy lived into his seventies and this is it! Only 50 people say you are important enough to take off work and be inconvenienced for an afternoon.
I remember reading a book that stated at most funerals 10 or less people actually shed more then a few tears and actually cry. And the number one factor determining whether or not 50 % of the people go to the gravesite is the weather. So this man lived his whole life and the weather can sway someone that easily? Sadly, I don’t think I went to his gravesite so I fell on the bottom half of the 50%. If he got another chance I wonder what he would do different. Do you think he would have let fear of rejection stop him? I mean, where were all the people he was afraid of? Where were all those he didnâ€™t want to fail in front of or be rejected by? What about going for it in his career? Would he have chosen to go to school and do something other then manual labor all his life? Possibly?
At some point in the funeral I came to a conclusion. Do I want a church full of more then 50 people I have loved and who have loved me? Do I want more then 10 people to weep because of the impact I have had on their lives? Or do I want to continue living my life out of fear of not wanting to be embarrassed or out of my fear that compelled me to always please others? I thought, â€śI donâ€™t care what they think of me anymore. â€śTheyâ€ť or the fear of being rejected by â€śThose peopleâ€ť has controlled me long enough! I think of a man named Oral Roberts who built a place called the â€śCity of Faithâ€ť in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The city consisted of three skyscrapers built with the vision to bring all the healing power of God and medicine into one community to bring Godâ€™s best to all people. I bet when Oral arrived in Heaven God DIDNâ€™T say; â€śOral, I just wish you would have had a little more faith and and took a few more risks.â€ť No, I bet He said â€śWell done; you believed me for everything and entered heaven having spent all his opportunities here on earth.â€ť
I see the great men and women throughout history have one thing in common. They refused to allow the opinions of others, perceived or real, control them. And at their funerals families, communities and nations weep at their departure. I want to be such a person! How about you?
Shawn Maguire is a Licensed Professional Counselor who has over two decades of experience helping people heal from their past wounds and creating lives worth celebrating. He is the owner of New Vision Counseling where he works with a team of highly trained and compassionate therapists whose mission is to change the world by caring for one person at a time.
I donâ€™t know what you believed growing up, but I thought it was all about me. I wanted my mom to serve me, buy for me, and take me places I enjoyed. When I dated girls I thought of how they could meet my needs. On my birthday I looked for people to make me feel special. It was about me, me, meâ€¦ . This created a state of anxiety because rarely did anyone, including myself, meet the standard of what I needed to feel valued and satisfied. So I worked harder to get my needs met and became progressively more anxious and unhappy in the process. Can you relate?
God outlines a different way to live. He says to focus on how I can serve and bless others. To stop evaluating my happiness by what I get and live my life to invest in helping others get what they need. And as for me, look to God for my identity and for Him to meet my needs. This is more then a simple changing of the mind, it is a chaining of a belief system. A shift that says others are as valuable as me and worthy of my attention and investment. Todayâ€™s growth opportunity is to make this shift through Identifying three people you can serve in some way over the next week.
As you make this shift you really enjoy the coming changes. You will begin to experience the reward of your outlook on life growing brighter as you become a light to others and joy growing in your heart as you become a blessing to others. This simple yet profound principle of sowing and reaping will keep you on the bright side of life even when circumstances of life grow dark.
Shawn Maguire is a Licensed Professional Counselor who has served marriages, families and individuals for almost 25 years. He is the owner of New Vision Counseling, a place where therapists integrate their faith with cutting edge counseling techniques to offer hope and healing in any circumstance of life.
In so many ways life is like sports. So the question is, are you playing or are you a spectator? Sure, its fun to watch the Oklahoma City Thunder play. I get excited when they win and disappointed when they lose. But really, I donâ€™t have any skin in the game.
Unfortunately, many of us have lived much of our lives as spectators. Instead of taking risks and pursuing friendships, jobs, and other opportunities we have settled for what comes to us easily. I hear so many clients talk about careers they wish they would have pursued in college but where afraid. I hear the previously married wish they would have tried harder before they lost their family through divorce. I am wondering what regrets you may be having as you are reading this?
The great news is that like sports, you can improve. There is usually a next season. You can seek out new players, new strategies, new locations as you learn from your mistakes and grow into who God made you to be. Refuse to let your past define you. Accept that life is not a spectator sport. It is a full contact sport that requires you to practice and play and then practice and play again. And win or lose the game goes on and so must you if you want Gods best for you and those you love.
Tonight, write out areas you want to improve in and the specific small steps that you can take to begin the process. You can do this, as God made you to win at your life!
For more information about our counseling services contact us at (405) 921-7776
In our fast paced society we are taught to expect our food, movies, and now even dates to come to us on demand. And for a bonus, Staples can install an â€śEasyâ€ť button so that all this requires minimal effort. Wow, if that were only true in changing bad habits.
How hard is it to change a habit? Well, I know that for me it can be tough depending on the habit and its meaning. Recently, I sold my house of 14 years to my pastor. After we moved, guess where I went when I left work on more occasions then I want to admit? You guessed it, my previous house. Why did I keep doing this? It wasnâ€™t because it was close to my new one, as it was in the opposite direction. It wasnâ€™t because I missed it because I was really enjoying the new house and land we lived on. So why?
I continued going back to my past house because that is what I had done before. I did it without thinking about it. On my drive home I do things like pray, process my day, plan my evening and make phone calls. I was distracted and operating on autopilot. I remember on one occasion talking with my pastor and ending up on the road to my old house. So how did I change my unconscious autopilot?
I needed to be focused and intentional when I left work. This means I removed all distractions. I didnâ€™t make calls, pray, or process my day until I was on the right road going the right direction. I had to do this many, many times before it became native to go to my new home. Thankfully, after five months the changes are sticking and my unconscious belief about my home has shifted from my old address to my new address.
I shared about going to a new home. Consider what home or habit you want to leave behind and what new place or habit you want to create. How can you be intentional in the little areas to have a big impact? And how can you ensure your success through doing these little activities daily?
For more information about marriage and family counseling contact us today at (405) 921-7776
My son Hayden was turning 9, and I knew that his double digit trip was important. You may be thinking, what is a double digit and why is it important? Well, in America we donâ€™t have clear transitions from boyhood to manhood. And boys DO NOT become Godly men by accident. We lack clear definitions and thus most boys learn to measure their progress into manhood by the billfold (money), the bedroom (sexual conquests) and the boardroom (success in careers). I wanted something different for my son and His double digit trip was his first ceremony that clearly defined and celebrated what that difference would be best marriage therapist okc.
Hayden is an amazing boy, but we were having struggles with his relentless strong will which he demonstrated through arguing about most things, making excuses for behavior, and simply trying to get out of being responsible for himself. To guide me in my journey I researched Scriptures on Biblical manhood and read books like King Me (Steve Farrar) and Raising a Modern Day Knight (Robert Lewis). I also sought out the advice of men who had raised boys who became men who love Jesus. My son Hayden is a true warrior best marriage therapist okc. And all warriors wield incredible power to help or to harm depending on who they serve and are loyal to. I, like many of you reading this, want my son to bend his knee and surrender his life to live for God and not self. So, you are likely wondering how the double digit trip helps? Great question.
First, the trip takes him away from his family, friends and normal life. We then have an open space and the margin for him to hear from me and God in ways that typically aren’t available in his normal routines. This was our â€śmanâ€™sâ€ť trip and he had looked forward to it since I took his sister on her double digit trip two years earlier.
Second, I wanted to grow closer in our relationship. And men and boys do this best through activities and most specifically adventures. You can go hiking, camping, fishing or something way different. We chose to go to Legoland, a marine wildlife center, six flags, and the zoo. We shared meals at fun restaurants. At the Rainforest restaurant the waiter had him standing on a seat by a Gorilla and beating his chest in front of the entire restaurant. In that moment he was ushered into bravery by a waiter who called him out to not be afraid of what people think. He was able to be himself and embrace the moment best marriage therapist okc.
Third, I had very clear messages I wanted to sow into his heart. I wanted him to reject passivity, accept responsibility for himself and those God calls him to, and lead courageously no matter who follows. I shared these messages while we drove, on our adventures, and when we faced adversity during our trip. When you are looking for them, circumstances will provide the backdrop to teach these lessons. We were rained out on the day we planned to go to six flags and he was heart broken as this was the highlight of our trip for him. We prayed and discussed how God calls us to handle unmet expectations as we ate lunch. We then purchased ponchos and headed to the theme park. As soon as we parked and got our ponchos on the sun came outâ€¦Amazing! We were only a handful of people that were at the park because of the rain and we have a story about Godâ€™s faithfulness along with other situations that didnâ€™t work out best marriage therapist okc. We had the entire car ride home to process the adventures we had and the lessons we have learned. And by Godâ€™s grace and faithfulness, Hayden has accepted the calling up and has done better at rejecting passivity, accepting responsibility, and leading courageously since our trip.
So where are you today? You may feel like its too late or this is too overwhelming to even think about starting. I have great news, God is on your side. In Malachi 4:6 God says; â€śHe will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.
* What are three actionable steps you can take this week to begin preparing to raise your son to become a Godly man?
Here is one step I took when I realized that I needed help. I sought out other Godly men who had sons and others that I knew would love my son and invest in him best marriage therapist okc. I knew I couldnâ€™t do this alone and you donâ€™t have to either! And if you are a single mom this step is crucial because we cannot give away what we donâ€™t possess.
Shawn Maguire is the Owner of New Vision Counseling in Oklahoma City OK where he serves with a team of counselors to help individuals, marriages, and families recapture the vision God has for their lives.
I grew up learning about God on Sunday mornings and was taught so many amazing attributes of God. I was told, that the God we serve, heals. The God we serve, will bless you financially, if you tithe. That He would give you strength in your time of need and even give you the words to speak in difficult situations. But, when I fell out of a tree and almost died, God didnâ€™t supernaturally heal me. When I was bullied at school and prayed, I never saw angels with swords battle on my behalf. And when I had to do a presentation to get money for college, I froze and got $0. I grew up not understanding the disconnect between what the Bible said and the lack of inheriting those blessings best marriage therapist okc. Why didnâ€™t God move mountains for me? He said He would if I would just believe.
If youâ€™re alive, then you have likely experienced your version of the blessings not coming right away. Itâ€™s likely you have felt despair and maybe even given up hope in God? I sure hope not, but if you have, then take heart. I am going to share how we can at least start to make sense of the disconnect between the Bible stating we have everything we need for life and Godliness, and the reality of where we, the broken vessels, really live. First, I have a confession to make. I confess that I spent much of my Christian life wanting to believe that God was all about blessing me. That he wanted me to live a comfortable life where I was patient in all circumstances and experienced His constant pleasure. That I was blessed coming in and blessed going out. Now, I have had moments and seasons more like that, but I donâ€™t always live there. I think the proper term for that place is Heaven. The problem with this way of living was my expectations. I expected life to be easier than it was, and when I suffered, I felt like I was missing the mark. I felt like I was doing something wrong or not enough because I wasnâ€™t receiving my inheritance now. When I started tithing, I was frustrated because I immediately expected a financial miracle. There was story after story about someone sowing into a ministry or making some obscure investment and then boom. The money began to pour in best marriage therapist okc. I had also heard some suspect teaching that said if I would sow into their ministry I would be reaping a millionaireâ€™s reward. I bought into the name it and claim it philosophy for a while. The way I believed it was that I could name purity and claim it without all the hard work. That I claim my financial inheritance without working for it because my God owns a cattle on a thousand hills. When I was at Oral Roberts University I tore my ACL in my knee playing basketball. I was prayed for by Oral Roberts and Benny Hinn for my torn ACL to be healed and I still needed surgery. How confusing. I was at the mecca for physical healing, prayed for by two ministers who have seen thousands healedâ€¦but not me?
So, what do we do with all that? I will tell you what I did. I continued tithing and I invested in a financial advisor, so I could save money every month. This empowered me to progressively step into my financial inheritance. Because I had a strong desire to stay pure before marriage, I sought out a high-level accountability best marriage therapist okc. I was so serious about receiving my inheritance that I had to pay money if I chose to sin. In addition to that, I sought out a Godly counselor and began working through my issues related to rejection and value. And when it came to tearing my ACL in my knee, I had surgery and went to physical therapy every day for three months. I worked intensely to rehabilitate that knee. And God brought healing in His way and in His time. I also had to grieve that God didnâ€™t supernaturally heal me because I really believed He would. I learned that I needed God to adjust my expectations of how I receive the inheritance.
Some people will say that all the blessings come through Godâ€™s grace and we are just to sit back and receive them. As my pastor AT Hargrave says, â€śGrace is not opposed to work, its opposed to earning.â€ť Can you imagine how that would work in parenting? I also grew to realize that just because God promises us an inheritance doesnâ€™t mean we automatically get it. The Bible tells a great parable about a prodigal son who squandered his inheritance and was starving to death because he received it before he was ready. And when that happens, itâ€™s almost guaranteed to be wasted. King Saul could have been so much more, but he chose to live for this world. He allowed fear and jealousy to rob him of His relationship with God and eventually his life best marriage therapist okc. What are you believing God for today? Are you expecting Him to bring your inheritance to you, or are you faithfully submitting your time and resources to God, so He can prepare you to receive it in due season?
I grew up learning about God on Sunday mornings and was taught so many amazing attributes of God. I was told, that the God we serve, heals. The God we serve, will bless you financially, if you tithe. That He would give you strength in your time of need and even give you the words to speak in difficult situations. But, when I fell out of a tree and almost died, God didnâ€™t supernaturally heal me. When I was bullied at school and prayed, I never saw angels with swords battle on my behalf best marriage therapist okc. And when I had to do a presentation to get money for college, I froze and got $0. I grew up not understanding the disconnect between what the Bible said and the lack of inheriting those blessings. Why didnâ€™t God move mountains for me? He said He would if I would just believe.
If youâ€™re alive, then you have likely experienced your version of the blessings not coming right away. Itâ€™s likely you have felt despair and maybe even given up hope in God? I sure hope not, but if you have, then take heart. I am going to share how we can at least start to make sense of the disconnect between the Bible stating we have everything we need for life and Godliness, and the reality of where we, the broken vessels, really live best marriage therapist okc.
First, I have a confession to make. I confess that I spent much of my Christian life wanting to believe that God was all about blessing me. That he wanted me to live a comfortable life where I was patient in all circumstances and experienced His constant pleasure. That I was blessed coming in and blessed going out. Now, I have had moments and seasons more like that, but I donâ€™t always live there. I think the proper term for that place is Heaven.
The problem with this way of living was my expectations. I expected life to be easier than it was, and when I suffered, I felt like I was missing the mark. I felt like I was doing something wrong or not enough because I wasnâ€™t receiving my inheritance now.
When I started tithing, I was frustrated because I immediately expected a financial miracle. There was story after story about someone sowing into a ministry or making some obscure investment and then boom best marriage therapist okc. The money began to pour in. I had also heard some suspect teaching that said if I would sow into their ministry I would be reaping a millionaireâ€™s reward.
I bought into the name it and claim it philosophy for a while. The way I believed it was that I could name purity and claim it without all the hard work. That I claim my financial inheritance without working for it because my God owns a cattle on a thousand hills. When I was at Oral Roberts University I tore my ACL in my knee playing basketball. I was prayed for by Oral Roberts and Benny Hinn for my torn ACL to be healed and I still needed surgery. How confusing. I was at the mecca for physical healing, prayed for by two ministers who have seen thousands healedâ€¦but not me?
So, what do we do with all that? I will tell you what I did. I continued tithing and I invested in a financial advisor, so I could save money every month. This empowered me to progressively step into my financial inheritance. Because I had a strong desire to stay pure before marriage, I sought out a high-level accountability best marriage therapist okc. I was so serious about receiving my inheritance that I had to pay money if I chose to sin.
In addition to that, I sought out a Godly counselor and began working through my issues related to rejection and value. And when it came to tearing my ACL in my knee, I had surgery and went to physical therapy every day for three months. I worked intensely to rehabilitate that knee. And God brought healing in His way and in His time. I also had to grieve that God didnâ€™t supernaturally heal me because I really believed He would. I learned that I needed God to adjust my expectations of how I receive the inheritance.
Some people will say that all the blessings come through Godâ€™s grace and we are just to sit back and receive them. As my pastor AT Hargrave says, â€śGrace is not opposed to work, its opposed to earning.â€ť Can you imagine how that would work in parenting?
I also grew to realize that just because God promises us an inheritance doesnâ€™t mean we automatically get it best marriage therapist okc. The Bible tells a great parable about a prodigal son who squandered his inheritance and was starving to death because he received it before he was ready. And when that happens, itâ€™s almost guaranteed to be wasted. King Saul could have been so much more, but he chose to live for this world. He allowed fear and jealousy to rob him of His relationship with God and eventually his life.
What are you believing God for today? Are you expecting Him to bring your inheritance to you, or are you faithfully submitting your time and resources to God, so He can prepare you to receive it in due season?
Have you ever had a time in your life where you were doing amazing? A time where you may have been in a great spot a work, with your relationships, and you felt closer then ever with God. And then you werenâ€™t there. I can remember being a senior in college and breaking my ankle at the beginning of an indoor volleyball tournament best counselor oklahoma city. I was devastated. I was the captain and we were hosting the tournament. All the hard work and practice wiped out in one ankle injury. I was literally sidelined. That event spiraled me into a low season where I felt left out and to make things worse, I lost a relationship with a girl I was dating. My physical injury revealed an even greater brokenness in my soul. My dry season had begun and I was coming apart.
I went on to discover that its in our dry seasons we discover if we really believe Godâ€™s love is enough. Just like when a pond dries up and you can see whats on the bottom, in a dry season you can see what your life has been built upon. I came crashing into the reality that I had built my life on counterfeit affections best counselor oklahoma city. Instead of looking to God alone, I sought the attention from women, good grades, and popularity. Other counterfeit affections are addictions, compulsions, escapism (Facebook, Netflix, sports, pornâ€¦), busyness, kids sports, hyper-religious activity, and equating busyness with happiness just to name a few. In a dry season, these counterfeits fail to comfort.
What if these dry seasons are Godâ€™s mercy? What if they are an expression of His love to draw us back to Him. Think of your last dry season. For you that may be right now.
Consider the following questions as a catalyst to making sense of your dry season.
* What counterfeit affections are you tempted to run to in place of God?
* How can switching your focus from things of this world, aka counterfeit affections, back to God impact your life?
* What is the potential cost of not pursuing God and believing His love to be enough.
* The Israelites literally had to die before entering the promised land best counselor oklahoma city. What in your life needs to die in the wilderness so that you can enter your promised land?
Part 1: The Letter
In counseling, I talk a lot about how to value your spouse. I thought it would be helpful to move from talking to showing you one way that I do it. What follows is my effort to highlight my love for my amazing wife in a way that she can receive it, written communication.
Happy 15th Wedding Anniversary.
Today is the day our lives forever changed by a choice and two words-â€śI doâ€ť. I remember when we first met at a Life Church event. I was slurping a Dr. Pepper and inviting you to my â€śsinglesâ€ť life group best marriage therapist oklahoma city. Wow, how much we have changed because I canâ€™t imagine drinking a Dr. Pepper and Life Church only had one campus. Oh, and of course the single life seems eons away :).
Over the last fifteen years we have seen friends come and go, family meet Jesus, created two incredible children, two dogs, lots of different fish, mammals, churches, multiple houses, career changes, and wave after wave of ups and downs in our marriage. But through them all, we have walked hand in hand seeking God all the way. Looking back, we can see His movement and how close He has been even though many times He felt so very far away.
Thank you for never giving up. For refusing to stay down when you fall. For always taking my hand and continuing the journey into the risky and faith-filled business of following God no matter the cost best marriage therapist oklahoma city.
On our special day I want to make sure you know, and pray you never forget, one thing. I believe and am living out that you are truly Godâ€™s best and my always and forever love.
When we first met, you captivated my eyes and my attention and then you went on to capture my heart. Tanda, when I hold your hands and look into your eyes I can see the next 60 years of my life. I can see grandkids, a house on a lake or ocean, loving people and changing lives.
So, take my hand and letâ€™s press on toward the Celestial City. Letâ€™s run with a passionate love that shows the world that God is real and His love never fails!â€ť
I left this letter for her on the coffee machine and posted it on Facebook to remind the world of how amazing she is and how thankful I am to God for her and our life together. What I didnâ€™t know, is that very night she and the kids had written their own letters to share best marriage therapist oklahoma city. They had also given me gifts that were well thought out and a cologne that was more money than I could see myself spending on smelling good. So, either she really loves me, or I just smell really bad :). That night went great and my mom was able to join us in celebrating our 15 years. But, the following Friday is when we would embark on our special adventure out of town.
Part 2: Embracing Joy through the Imperfect: The Trip
I have been asked countless times how to make marriage work. But recently, there have been more people interested in how I, personally, make my marriage work. There are so many strategies, resources, spiritual disciplines, and people who love us that have contributed to our success.
Instead of giving you my Top Ten list, I thought it would be helpful to give you insight into my recent anniversary. It has been 15 years and boy do I have stories to tell! I am going to pull back the tapestry and invite you into our personal space. I do this in hopes that you are inspired to press on even when you feel like you just canâ€™t go on. And I hope you can enjoy a laugh or two along the way.
On our fifteenth anniversary, I wanted to go big best marriage therapist oklahoma city. I wanted my darling Tanda and our kiddos to know how much I love her and how faithful God has been to us. I asked some folks for ideas of how I could celebrate Tanda and the amazing gift she has been to me. The suggestions were all over the board. I had someone go all in for me surprising her with a trip to Paris, to someone who thought rubber gloves and a mop bucket were the way to go. One would break the bank and the other would have me sleeping on the couch for months. I thought it wise to try something different.
I had researched and believed I had discovered the perfect bed and breakfast. They had an amazing restaurant, beautiful views, and hiking trails on the property. To alleviate her anxiety of the unknown, I spilled the beans of our destination, and she was elated. I like surprises, but she was getting stressed because she didnâ€™t know how to prepare for our weekend. And, I have been known to be quite adventurous in my surprises and not all of them turned out the way I had hoped. So, to the keep the peace and create excitement, I told her.
What happens next is pretty much a great synopsis of the life of the Maguire’s. The day we were to depart, the temperature dropped to what felt like twenty below zero. When she rushed and rushed to meet me at my office, I was 27 minutes late. Then we had two more stops to make before getting there best marriage therapist oklahoma city. And it turns out, I was wrong on directions and we were going the opposite wayâ€¦uh oh. Running two hours late, this was not a great start to our Anniversary weekend.
When we arrive, we are given a tour of the grounds and I am thinking, SCORE! The place was top notch. That is, until we are shown our cabin best marriage therapist oklahoma city. Then I was thinking, â€śHouston, we have a problemâ€ť. It turns out, the cabin I was told was their â€śbestâ€ť was decorated in the Dark Ages and had all the windows blacked out. The porch was open however, and had a nice view of a white wall. But, you would be proud of your counselor, I kept my thoughts to myself. The tour guide, however, observed my unspoken displeasure and offered to show us another room. The guide left and said we could call if we wanted to see another cabin. After the door shut, Tanda noticed the obvious centerpiece and said â€śWow, what beautiful flowers.â€ť She picked up the card and it said â€śHappy Birthday! Love, Ralphâ€ť. I had the same thought cross my mind that would likely cross yours â€śAhh, wish I would have sent the flowersâ€ť. I think you know by now that my name isnâ€™t Ralph and we were not celebrating a birthday best marriage therapist oklahoma city. I was wanting to check out other cabins anyway, so I used this as an excuse to call the tour guide to tell her about the flowers and ask her to show me another cabin.
Because it was so frigid, and my lovely wife does not like to feel like she is a burden, I went alone to the cabin. When I saw the newer and cooler cabin I thought, this is where we need to be. It had a great view, more light and a much better feel. It was more like Florida sunshine than a Medieval dungeon. On the drive back to my current cabin, my guide received a call. She said that it turns out that this cabin wasnâ€™t available. And because I had told her about Ralph and the birthday flowers, they discovered they put us in the wrong cabin. For those of you who donâ€™t know my wife, these scenarios can be very stressful for her. She loves to keep the peace as much as possible and I sensed that I would somehow be blamed for this because I tried to move. I thought, great now I have to tell my previously relaxed and grateful bride that not only is the newer cabin not available, but now we have to move. At this point I am laughing nervously and hoping this doesnâ€™t turn our trip to the dark side. And not just because of how she would respond best marriage therapist oklahoma city. I mean, I made a lot of effort to find the right place and the right cabin. Thankfully, she handled the move graciously and didnâ€™t blame me.
The guide drops me off to pick up Tanda and our belongings and asks us to follow her. As I am backing out of the gravel driveway, she drives off. I am backing straight out of the driveway and looking behind to find her and canâ€™t. And thenâ€¦Bang! I backed into a tree best marriage therapist oklahoma city. It turns out that the driveway backs directly into a tree if you go straight out. That is why the gravel veers slightly to the left. Oops. Thankfully, it appears we sustained no permanent injuries, but my car has a bald spot on the bumper where the tree gave it a kiss.
Later that evening, we were enjoying a fantastic dinner and we received a call from my daughter around 9:30 pm. She was having an allergic reaction to our friendâ€™s animals and needed to leave, as she was planning to spend the night best marriage therapist oklahoma city. This required my mom getting out of bed and driving her back to our house and both of them spending the night. My mom also has a dog that my daughter is allergic to, so my mom had to stay the night at our house. And guess what, we went away with two healthy kids and came home to kids who both had the flu.
This is a typical Maguire trip. We plan for fun and adventure and then the unexpected happens. As part of our time, we talked about the events and how much differently we have been able to handle them after 15 years of investing and working hard. We were able to laugh about the surprise of her almost getting flowers from Ralph for her Birthday; us thinking we were upgrading to a better cabin and then having to move to a smaller one; and the shock of backing into a tree. We were able to laugh until we cried. Oh, and then there was me bringing the wrong camera to take a picture to memorialize our time. I took the new one she hadnâ€™t had time to figure out how to use yet. And, we had to hop and re-hop the balcony to take pictures because I forgot the remote and thatâ€™s where the best best marriage therapist oklahoma city light was. You may be wondering that after all that, were we able to enjoy our anniversary? I will say emphatically yes. Yes, even though we were downsized in cabins. Yes, even though a tree bit part of my bumper off. Yes, even though we couldnâ€™t hike because it was horribly cold. How could we, you may wonder. Thatâ€™s a great question with a great answer.
After reading about our quite imperfect anniversary trip, you may be asking how were we even able to enjoy ourselves. The answer is, we saw the events through a unique lens. A lens that allowed for failure and the imperfect. A lens of understanding that these mishaps will actually make great stories we can pass onto our grandkids. We loosened up over the years and made allowance for life to not have to be perfect to be enjoyable. We took our expectations to God and exchanged them for an expectancy best marriage therapist oklahoma city. An expectancy that we can find good even in adversity and that together with God we can work through anything. I know I canâ€™t control the circumstances, but I can always control what I focus on and the meaning I give them. And that is a good snapshot into how we make our marriage work.
You donâ€™t have the always have the power to choose your circumstances, how others treat you or what happens to you. You do ALWAYS have the power to choose:
1. What you focus on
2. What meaning you give the experience
3. What you do about it.
I have assembled 5 fantastically small activities that will bless you greatly. Now, this will not happen overnight. They will be easy to do or not to do. The choice and the power is in your hands to shift your focus which changes your attitude which creates better emotions best counselor oklahoma city. You can choose this happiness! Do the top 3 every day and shoot for doing the last two at least a few times per week. Happiness research says that if you are consistent you will change over time…they guarantee it.
1. Write down 3 things you are grateful for every morning. Make them different everyday and refuse to settle for writing down the same things
2. Have fun and journal one positive experience you have each day. Doing this gives you a double blessing of experiencing the power of this event twice because a lot of your brain wont know the difference. We do the same thing with the dark side. Think about a time something bad happened and how you felt every time you thought about it best counselor oklahoma city. This gives you the power to feel better every day!
3. Do one random act of kindness every day. Write short notes, texts, phone calls to people. Buy someone lunch or share your lunch :). Give a massage, a hug, or a tickle. Give away your smile lots of times every day. Give someone the gift of encouraging words. This invites Godâ€™s to move through you each time you share a kind act with someone else.
4. Move and get some form exercise. 15 minutes would be great but find ways to walk, jog, or join a sport.
5. Daily Meditation: Even just for 2-15 minutes focus on Gods goodness, see yourself succeeding in your day best counselor oklahoma city. This distills Godâ€™s peace and centers you and your body in Him.
The tough times are where we grow the most. These daily habits will lead you into progressively more happiness as a way of being. Most people think that happiness comes when you have the big house, nice car and lovely family. In truth, Its actually the opposite. The Bible says he who is faithful with little can be trusted with much. I canâ€™t wait to see how MUCH happiness you are trusted with in the future.
The capital city of Oklahoma is filled with an energetic atmosphere and deep-rooted Southern charm. For guests looking for family fun, adventure, and world-class attractions, Oklahoma City is rolling out its red carpet for a swift invitation. In the southwest, the city remains the home to one of the most innovative fast developing entertainment towns. It also has plenty of Western allure to boot, family-friendly theme parks, and top-rated museums. In a nutshell, the city remains the epicenter of a huge urban renaissance best counselor oklahoma city. From loads of shopping, outdoor recreation and funky festivals to fun and treasured-filled museums, Oklahoma City is definitely a dream land for visitors.
Oklahoma City Zoo:
At the Oklahoma City Zoo & Botanical Garden, you can envision a world of untamed journey and embrace your wild side. In the US, this attraction is categorized as one of the best three user-friendly zoos. Explore the Asian elephant called calf Achara and take photos of real wildlife. Visitors can watch lions and tigers happily exploring their habitats. The Great EscApe exhibit has made the zoo unique and attractive to visitors best counselor oklahoma city. This resort will help you enjoy the spry orangutans, playful chimpanzees and mighty gorillas.
Oklahoma City National Memorial & Museum:
This amazing edifice is a land of healing and hope for people who suffered the bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building. Visitors can learn the shocking aftermath, the events that unveiled the tragic bombing and the townâ€™s outstanding recovery within the edifice. The museum also offers you powerful video presentations, moving oral accounts and bomb-damaged artifacts best counselor oklahoma city. Without any iota of doubt, visitors will definitely fall in love with history and materials of this attraction center.
Frontier City & White Water Bay:
The Frontier City & White Water Bay is filled with action-packed thrills. With renegade water rapids, high-speed rides and gravity-defying roller coasters, family-friendly adventure begins at Frontier City. Visitors can enjoy Wild West shows that come with saloon activities, shootouts and much more. Your nerves can get frequent testing over fifty attractions and rides. The White Water Bay can help calm your temper by diving into it. From tame to extreme, visitors can also enjoy water rides, time and again.
Oklahoma City Museum Of Art:
At the magnificent Oklahoma City Museum of Art, visitors can surround themselves with the texture of paint on modern sculpture and canvas, towering blown glass pieces and bold colors. Within the downtown area, it will help to bring in new energy and flow to artistic expression best counselor oklahoma city. Visitors will see fifty-five feet tall Chihuly tower of colorful, twisting and curving glass immediately after entering the art center.
Enjoy A Big-League Game:
With your favorite jersey, you can enjoy a big-league game that remains remarkable. During an Oklahoma City sporting event, visitors can root for the home team after taking a seat in the stands. At the Chesapeake Energy Arena, visitors can watch how the Oklahoma City Thunder unleashes the beauty of the NBA basketball court. Do you know why OKC is called the Loud City? The home crowd, the Thunder Girls along with the Bison makes the city a great place to visit.
How Premarital Counseling uses SYMBIS Tool to Create an Amazing Marriage
In a marriage relationship, the first 12 months are crucial to the life of the marriage. You see, in these first 12 months you are creating relational habits that will determine the path of how your marriage develops. Whether a highway to the beach or a highway to the desert, these habits of living and relating to each other will take you to different destinations. The couple who is unable to be honest and resorts to blaming and name calling to work through conflict will find themselves on a different highway than the couple who utilizes kindness and listening to work through lifeâ€™s inevitable adversities best marriage therapist oklahoma city. This is one reason we focus so heavily on helping to identify future pitfalls and then equipping you with the skills and resources to build your dream marriage.
At New Vision Counseling, our therapists are certified in a premarital resource called SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts). This comprehensive assessment helps bypass much of the premarital counseling fluff and focuses on what you as a couple really need for success best marriage therapist oklahoma city. SYMBIS gives us an overview of where you come from, who you are, and the strengths and growth opportunities to focus on. It highlights areas that may be current issues and helps predict issues that could explode out of control in the future. This predictive mechanism is like being given a chance to diffuse a bomb before it explodes.
Consider this, all of us will end up somewhere in our married life, but very few of us end up there on purpose. The destination could be divorce, misery, or marital bliss that grows with each passing year. The great news is, the choice is yours. How amazing would it be to become one of the few who chooses your destination on purpose? That is where we come in best marriage therapist oklahoma city. Let us walk with you through this amazing season where you get to choose where you go.
The process can be as quick as a 4-hour intensive (if time is an issue) or spread out over several appointments; the average couple utilizes between 4-8 sessions. However, we value you as individuals and a â€śone of a kindâ€ť couple and will get to know you and make adjustments according to your unique needs. You ask, whatâ€™s the next step? Thatâ€™s easy, reach out to us through phone or email and set up an appointment to get started. This is an amazing time of building your highways and we are excited to collaborate with God and with you in this process. We look forward to hearing from you soon.
If you want to learn more about SYMBIS, click on this link Symbis.com.
Have you ever had a mouse in your home? Whether you live in an apartment or a house, in the country or the city, chances are that youâ€™ve encountered one of these pesky little critters. During the holidays, my sister suspected there was a mouse living in our momâ€™s kitchen. My sister claimed she saw the mouse, but my mom didnâ€™t want to believe her. A few months went by without another mouse sighting, just little suspicions that a mouse may be cohabitating with her. Then, one day, the mouse scurried across the living room floor under her couch best counselor oklahoma city. Peeking under the couch revealed piles of dog food the mouse had been hoarding along with other little mouse surprises. That was when she realized there was a mouse problem and that was when she knew it was time for help.
So when do you know itâ€™s time for help? Do you know when you start to have little clues? Or do you wait until you know you have a full-blown mouse nest under your couch?
In life, there are a lot of little clues showing us we need help. It may be feeling sad, unsatisfied, frustrated, or unmotivated. It could even be patterns in relationships or behaviors that you donâ€™t like. But there are also mouse nests. It could be a marriage on the brink of divorce, not being able to get out of bed, or out of control kids, or panic attacks at work. Whether you are experiencing those little clues or the big crises, therapy can help best counselor oklahoma city. It doesnâ€™t matter how big or small your problem seems, now is the time to get help.
In my family, we waited. We waited until a mouse or two grew into an extended family. Instead of accepting we had a problem and taking time to take care of it, we let the problem get bigger and bigger. Thankfully though, we did get help. It required finding the source of the problem. We had to determine where the mice were coming into our home. Next, we had to fix the hole. Then, we had to set traps and get rid of the mice already dwelling in our home. We also called an exterminator to help and did a lot of cleaning. In therapy, I want to help you when you are ready to get help best counselor oklahoma city. I want to work with you to find out whatâ€™s wrong and whatâ€™s causing the problem. I want to help you fix the problem, which likely means developing some new habits, ending old habits, and cleaning parts of your life that have been avoided or overlooked.
Are you ready to try? Nowâ€™s the time.