Grief is inevitable in life, but knowing this does not take our pain away. Loss comes in all shapes and sizes and each of us processes death differently. When an immeasurable loss is experienced, it can feel like the pain will never go away. This may be true for some, and for others, time lessens the hurt. Some describe grief as coming in waves; one day the pain is distant and the next day the tide is rising uncontrollably. There is no one right way to deal with grief. Your grief is as unique as you are. I can tell you from personal experience that there can be a life worth living after the loss of a loved one; even if you don’t see it and it seems impossible right now.

How does the brain deal with grief?

It takes time to accept the reality that one of your loved ones is gone. The time spent together and the memories built may be constantly flashing through your mind. What once seemed like routine is now cherished deeply because it is the only thing you have left. You may spend your days trying to barter with God so he will bring your loved one back. This is one of the ways you may be dealing with the shock of what has happened.

The brain is often in shock and deals with grief as a learning experience. You may have asked yourself: How do I go on without you? How do I live in a world that doesn’t have you in it? As described by grief and bereavement specialist Mary-Frances O’Connor, grief is the overwhelming feeling you experience in the short term that takes over your whole being, and grieving is the learning experience that you go through as you make sense of what remains (American Psychological Association, 2022).

How do I cope with grief?

Everyone copes with grief in different ways. The first thing that others desire to do is provide advice to help us. However, what worked for them may not work for you and that is 100% okay. Coping in your own way that helps you heal is the most important thing to keep in mind. Below are a few coping strategies that may assist you in your healing:

• Finding a support group
• Journaling
• Meditating
• Seeking help from God
• Going to church
• Lighting a memory candle
• Practicing acceptance
• Writing a letter to the loved one you lost

What if I am not ready to heal?

It is okay to feel like you are not ready to let go or heal. It is also okay to be angry. I have been there, and it is an indescribable feeling that affects everyone in their own way. Despite how impossible it may seem now, acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward healing. We cannot accept what we do not acknowledge. Many people feel guilty when they try to move on with their lives, and this is a normal reaction as well.

Next Steps

If you feel lost, stuck, or devastated, you are not alone. Processing grief can be difficult and we understand this. You may be asking yourself, “What do I do now?” We are here to help you find answers to this question. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we have a team of compassionate and experienced therapists that will meet you where you are and help you get to where you want to be. Your therapist will sit with you in your pain as you grieve. They will help you discover how you need to grieve in a way that is unique and right for you. When you are ready, they will help you heal and build a life with the people that are here while honoring and holding the love in your heart for the person who is not. If you or someone you know is struggling with their grief, we are here for you. The next natural step is to invite us into your story by contacting us today. We look forward to hearing from you soon!

By Brittany Phillips

A typical response to an unexpected and overwhelming situation is traumatic stress. Symptoms often improve over time, however some who experience more severe symptoms may require professional help.

Common Responses to Traumatic Stress

People frequently experience shock, disorientation, or a difficulty processing upsetting information after experiencing a traumatic event. After these first reactions pass, you may have a range of thoughts and behaviors.

• Uncharacteristic Feelings- You may be experiencing anxiety, uncertainty, overwhelm, or grief. Additionally, you might feel more emotional or moodier than normal.
• Fluctuation in Thoughts and Behaviors- You might recall the incident repeatedly and in great detail. These flashbacks could happen suddenly and cause physical symptoms like perspiration or a quick heartbeat. You might find it difficult when making decisions or concentrating. Both eating and sleeping schedules can be thrown off. While some may overeat and oversleep, others may have a loss of appetite and sleep.
• Sudden Environmental Sensitivity- alarms, horns or other environmental loud noises may cause a reaction or trigger memories which may increase your anxiety.
• Strained Relationships- There may be an increase in the amount of conflict in your life, such as arguments with family members and coworkers more frequently. Additionally, you could retreat, isolate yourself, or stop participating in your typical social activities
• Physical Symptoms of Stress- There is a chance you will experience symptoms of physical stress such as chest pain, nausea, and headaches that can appear after a traumatic event.

How to Cope with Traumatic Stress?

Thankfully, there are a number of highly successful coping strategies and trauma-related stressor treatments available. These behaviors, according to psychologists and other studies, can help:

• Rely on your loved ones- Choose your family or friends as your source of support. If you’re ready, you could share your experience with them regarding the traumatic event. To reduce some of your everyday stress, you can also ask for help from your loved ones with household chores or other daily responsibilities.
• Acknowledge your Feelings- It’s normal to want to put a traumatic event behind you and not think about or deal with it. But, it’s not healthy to cope with your trauma by avoiding what happened or by avoiding your support system and any excessive avoidance can potentially extend not only the traumatic stress but can prolong your healing time.
• Self-Care is not Self-Ish- Only you know how to truly care for yourself in the way that you need. If that looks like a short 10-minute shower, or a full-on trip to the salon, it’s okay to arrange ways to make that happen. It is not selfish to do what only you know you need in order to get your health back to a good place.
• Trust the Process and Give it Time- It’s important to remember that time is needed after experiencing a traumatic event. Give yourself grace, and be patient with how your individual body needs to heal and improve towards full recovery.

When to get Help?

While some people will recover on their own, many will need counseling to fully heal and recover. If you are ready to begin the journey of overcoming your trauma then we are here for you. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have a team of caring therapists who are highly trained in helping you work through trauma and create a life you want to be a part of. The natural next step is to call us at (405) 921-7776 or go to our website at NewVisionCounseling.Org. We hope to meet you soon!

What makes a good trauma therapy counselor? Is it all their degrees and how great their social media presence is? Those can help but those are not what makes someone great at walking with you through your trauma. To help you in your pursuit of finding the right person to help you through trauma, I have listed 5 attributes to look for in a trauma counselor.

Listener

When looking for a trauma counselor it is important that they are a good listener. A good listener will give you the space to process and discuss what happened on your own time. A good listener also won’t make it about themselves, they won’t interrupt or interpret your experience for you. Instead they will let you lead the conversation, without pushing their own agenda. This will give you the freedom to tell your story knowing that their focus is on you.

Patient

Sharing a traumatic experience can take time. It won’t look the same for everyone and it might take you weeks or months to open up and that is perfectly fine. Having a therapist that will meet you where you’re at and walk with you at your own pace can promote healthy healing. A therapist who is patient allows you to fully feel everything you have experienced.

Challenging

When dealing with trauma that means you will have to face some harsh truths, realities, or memories. This will not always look pretty or be easy. You want your therapist to be able to challenge you in the moments where you are ready to take the next step. When facing trauma that might look like setting boundaries or confronting difficult reminders. A therapist can be challenging while also respectful and loving.

Empathetic

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. An empathetic trauma therapist will be able to acknowledge the severity of your grief and validate what you are encountering. Empathy also allows your therapist to best understand you because it creates an environment where you feel safe to share and be your authentic self.

Problem solver

A trauma therapist that is a good problem solver will help you find innovative solutions to work through your trauma. There are many different types of therapies that can be used when dealing with trauma. Some common examples being CBT, EMDR, or exposure therapy. A therapist who is a problem solver would be willing to use many different perspectives in order to find the best one for YOU. This also means working with you to find coping strategies that will promote increased functioning in all aspects of your life.

Next step

If you are looking for a trauma therapist that will embody all of these attributes then you are at the right place. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have a team of therapists trained that would love to walk alongside you as you navigate through your trauma. You can reach us at (405) 921-7776 to learn more about how we can best help you.

Have you ever had anxiety and didn’t know why? There’s nothing on your mind, but you feel it in your body. It’s miserable – it’s fear of the unknown, and from that fear comes a sense of dread that you just can’t place. The good news is that anxiety can be managed with the right approach, but to do so you’ll need to identify and address what may have triggered it in the first place.

Sometimes, the cause of anxiety lies in our tendency to overlook certain areas of our lives. You may put off difficult conversations, or not take care of financial obligations that we know need attention. You might even ignore physical symptoms that should be addressed by a doctor. All these things can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, which can manifest as anxiety in both our mental and physical states.

Here are three aspects of life that often go unchecked, yet can be the source of considerable stress.

Lifestyle

It is important that you are taking care of yourself physically in order to also take care of yourself mentally. Aspects such as your sleeping patterns, eating habits, and screen time can play a role in your anxiety levels. If you are unable to pinpoint something that is causing your anxiety you might first want to take a look at how you are currently showing yourself love and care. This could also mean spending more time doing things that you enjoy such as reading, exercising, or spending time with family and friends.

Environment

An unhealthy or toxic environment can cause you to have anxiety. This can range from your house to your workplace. An environment is made up of both people and objects.

Let’s take your workplace for example, if you are surrounded by a boss or co-workers that are degrading or disrespectful this could cause you to become uneasy. Become aware of the people and interactions you encounter because they can play a role in your mental well-being. Another more surprising aspect is how you are keeping your space. Are you organized? Is your trash thrown away around your desk? Do you lose things often? For some, little changes like these can increase your productivity and create a more peaceful lifestyle.

Stress Factors

Stress is a hard topic to tackle because there are so many things in your life that could cause you to stress. Stress can then become a trigger for your anxiety. Some common stress factors include finances, relationships with your friends and family, or your health. It is important that you can find healthy ways to cope with stress in your life in order to keep you from becoming anxious. Coping can look different for everyone. If you are having trouble finding healthy coping mechanisms, finding a therapist can be a great place to start.

Next Step:

If you are experiencing anxiety in your life and are looking for ways to make changes, we CAN help you. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting it is our goal to help equip you with tools to build the life you want. You can reach us at (405) 921-7776

Boundaries help you build and maintain healthy relationships with others by helping you communicate to others where your responsibility begins and ends. One step to understanding this “line of responsibility” is being self-aware which can mean being in tune with your emotions, your thoughts, and your values. You could show this by evaluating how you think about a person’s perception of you. Do you put too much worth into what that person thinks of you? Do you know when you have emotional discomfort? By thinking through these questions you quickly realize who you want to spend your time with and who is draining you.

In this blog, I will go over 4 signs that you lack healthy boundaries with others. Identifying that you need better boundaries is the first step to creating a life where your needs are honored, respected, and prioritized.

Sign #1: You have a hard time voicing your wants and needs

This is a big one. If you feel uncomfortable telling the people in your life what you need and want, it’s a sure sign that you lack strong boundaries. You might feel selfish for doing this, but it is normal to have desires and expectations in your relationships. Without voicing them, you are keeping yourself from experiencing the fullness of the relationship. This is especially true if a person in your life makes you feel guilty for having wants. They are crossing your boundaries and the relationship could be negatively affecting you more than you know.

Sign #2: You feel drained

Another sign of unhealthy boundaries is that your relationships are not fulfilling you or allowing you to grow. If a relationship has healthy boundaries you will not walk away from interactions feeling exhausted, used, or unseen. Healthy relationships are based on respect, value, and a healthy amount of give and take. When you have healthy boundaries you are able to see what relationships are benefiting you and which ones are not.

Sign #3: You have a hard time saying no

A lack of healthy boundaries makes it hard for you to say no to things that you don’t want to do. You might have a fear of letting someone down or being abandoned if you don’t agree to what is being asked of you. News flash! Saying “I don’t want to do that” is a perfectly legitimate reason for not wanting to do something. And saying yes when you don’t want to might leave you feeling exhausted and resentful as you have left no time for yourself. It is helpful to remember this truth. Their feelings are NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Part of having healthy boundaries is knowing that what someone else feels is not your responsibility. And that may mean allowing them to feel their disappointment, anger or whatever feelings they have when you set healthy boundaries..

Sign #4: You don’t have a good sense of self

Without boundaries it is easy to let the needs and desires of others become your identity. This is because you are no longer living out of who God created you to be. Your world revolves around doing what makes other people happy rather than yourself. If you feel as though you have lost your sense of identity; ask yourself “What brings me joy?” At first you may feel selfish or wrong in defining who you are and who you are not because others will be angry or disappointed. You may feel guilty about saying no to the demands and expectations of others but living out of your authentic self is the only way to truly love yourself and others. It’s also the only way you can hope to live with internal peace no matter what anyone else demands of you.

Next step:

If you have a hard time setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, we CAN help. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have highly trained therapists that will guide and walk beside you as you create healthy relationships and a fulfilling life. Your next step is to contact us at (405) 921-7776 to learn more about how we can best help you.

It’s no secret that the holiday season can either be a blast or lead to some extra-tough times. For those of us who have little kids in tow, it’s often hard to keep up with all there is going on while still trying to make sure they’re enjoying themselves – now you know why mom and dad may look exhausted! Parenting during this special time isn’t without its challenges.

Juggling the additional demands that come with the holiday season, as a parent, can be downright exhausting. If you’re struggling to keep up without burning out, here are 5 superb tips to help you manage without feeling overwhelmed and exhausted!

Intentional “You” time

Wake up early for a refreshing start to your day! Taking time each morning, even if it’s just 20-30 minutes before the chaos begins, can make all of the difference. Have some “you” time while sipping on coffee and enjoy the stillness, or fold that laundry in peace – whatever makes you feel most relaxed and in control of your mood.

Consistent Bedtime Routine

As a parent, taking the time to ensure that you have consistent routines in place can be immensely beneficial. Setting an early bedtime warning, such as 30-60 minutes before it’s time for lights out, can help to minimize meltdowns and keep them on track. Additionally, having something special to signal that it’s okay to rise from bed can help to keep your family on schedule. Whether it’s a special light or having books handy for those eager morning risers, these simple steps can make the day run smoothly.

Focusing on What You Can Control

Focusing on what you can control is a great way to reduce stress and worry. It’s important to take ownership of your thoughts, your schedule, your productivity levels, and how you treat others. By being mindful of the little things that are out of your control, you can avoid letting them bother you and instead focus on what’s achievable. You can’t control how your kids respond to you, but you can control how you respond to them. Knowing what you are responsible for and what you are not can lead to increased peace and calmness in the long run.

Stay Connected

Taking time to stay connected with the ones you love is an essential part of maintaining a healthy balance. Whether it’s a short text check-in, an uplifting phone call, or even a face-to-face chat through Facetime, any connection can bring a sense of joy and optimism during difficult times. And let’s face it, sometimes you just need to vent! There are many ways to make sure you nurture your relationships with those closest to you. Scheduling regular check-ins with family and friends help keep everybody in the loop while providing comfort and support when needed. Taking the opportunity to cherish moments shared with loved ones is an invaluable way for you to remain grounded and sane during chaotic or stressful periods.

Simplify

With the holidays quickly approaching, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed by all of the expectations and pressures surrounding this time of year. While it’s impossible to control what external influences are telling you that you should do, you certainly have the power to set boundaries for yourself. You don’t always have to go the extra mile when it comes to meal prep or entertaining – even your own children! Don’t think it has to be a big affair every single day they’re away from school – sometimes having their favorite movie and a bowl of popcorn will suffice. And don’t worry, there is no need to fully commit to holiday activities like getting family photos done or sending out Christmas cards. Making realistic choices for yourself over the holidays will help take some of the pressure off and ensure everyone stays happy in the end!

What is Trauma?

Trauma is the emotional distress that remains after a devastating event occurs in your life. Trauma can stem from one major event, or several events occurring over a span of time, resulting in complex trauma. Experiencing events such as the sudden loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or witnessing something that is emotionally disturbing can leave you feeling unsafe and affect your ability to function in everyday life. Trauma can also be a deep wound that you have carried with you for years from adverse childhood experiences. Memories from trauma can invade your mental space and make it hard to cope with the resulting emotions. The depth of trauma results from the level of negative feelings you hold about the event. These negative emotions can cause you to feel numb, anxious, and fearful. The good news is that we are here to help you cope and heal from your trauma. The following are steps you can begin now.

Connection

God formed us to be relational beings and He desires that we stay in close communion with Him and those around us. When you experience a traumatic event, you are not meant to face it alone. Attending support groups or reaching out to a trusted loved one can help you feel connected so that you are not alone in your experience. One of the first things many do is isolate themselves and shut down. This coping mechanism builds walls around your heart and prevents God from taking your broken pieces and making you whole again. To begin recovery, a good initial step is to invite God to help you heal your emotional scars. As Isaiah 41:10 NIV reminds us, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Creativity

Getting creative is another way to cope and heal from trauma. When you experience numbness or dissociation in your body due to your emotional distress, your body takes note. Art is a great way to help you feel safe in your own skin again and release the negative tension stored in your body. Painting, journaling, or writing poetry helps you express your emotions in a calming way. When trauma occurs, your mind can obsess over the event which may cause uncontrollable flashbacks. Spilling these emotions on paper helps the mind release the need to focus on the traumatic event and can provide you with some solace.

Self-Care

Prioritize your needs and focus on your recovery. This will look different for each person, but focusing on calming and soothing activities can create an outlet for your soul to release tension and feel comforted. Things to keep in mind are taking a hot bath, eating a comfort meal, watching your favorite movie, reading a good book, or listening to music. Exercise is also a great way to relieve stress. When you go through a traumatic event, your nervous system can remain trapped in a constant state of hyperarousal. Exercising burns off adrenaline and releases endorphins which will improve your mood.

Next Steps

Trauma never truly leaves us. It changes who you are and forces you to carry pieces of it throughout your life. The choice is how you carry what has happened to you. For many, you need so much more help than this blog can offer. Walking through trauma is a tough journey but you do not have to walk through the storm alone. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we have trauma trained therapists with a faith-based foundation who will guide you in your journey to healing and restoration. We will meet you with compassion and create a safe place for you to heal. The next step is to reach out by calling (405) 921-7776 or learn more about trauma counseling. We hope to hear from you soon!

It is no secret that grief is one of the most challenging obstacles a person can face. It is completely normal that you would want to guard your child’s heart from the pain and heartbreak it brings. Even though your intentions are out of love, it can be harmful acting as if the event never happened or thinking that your child will be unaffected.

It is important to acknowledge that your child is a person like you or me. They experience emotions such as sadness, confusion, and denial. Validating these emotions is a healthy way to help your child cope with a life-changing event. A couple ways you can do this is by being honest with your child, being a safe place for them to ask questions, and helping them keep to normal routines.

Honesty

Being honest with your child is an important step to their grieving process. There are moments where you might think telling a lie would protect them, but the truth will be revealed to them at some point. You want the truth of the situation to be given to them by someone that they love and trust. Depending on the age of your child, not all details need to be revealed at the time of the event. A common Rule of thumb: if they are asking the question, then they are old enough to know the answer. Also, don’t be afraid to express your emotions in front of your child. It validates to them that being sad or upset is okay and it gives them permission to grieve as well.

Open to Questions

Depending on the age of your child it is common that they will have questions concerning the situation. This might be difficult for you because in certain moments it will be hard for you to discuss what happened. However, you being a safe place for them can make a huge difference in their healing. Reassuring your child’s safety lets them know that they will be okay and so will the people they care about. Don’t be afraid to initiate conversation because your child might not know how to bring up the topic. On the other hand, don’t force a conversation that your child doesn’t want to have. And make an effort to approach these conversations and questions with empathy and age appropriate levels that are right for your unique child.

Stick to Routines

After experiencing a traumatic event, it can be easy to disregard the routines that were once a part of your daily life. This could be making your bed, going to the gym, or making dinner for your family. It can be difficult to do these things when every part of you is fighting against them. Keeping a routine during your grieving process can help your child feel a sense of normalcy and structure even when their lives feel in a million pieces. For example, making sure your child is still involved in their after school activities.

Most importantly, be kind and patient with yourself. Daily routines will not immediately fall back into place, but structure can bring a little more stability in the midst of heartbreak.

Counseling

If you or your child is grieving, we would love to walk alongside you as you heal and start to understand a life without the person or thing you have lost. You can reach us at (405) 921-7776 or learn more click here to learn more about grief counseling. We look forward to hearing from you soon!

Have you ever felt as though your anxiety would never go away? Maybe you feared that your heart rate would never decrease or that your spiraling thoughts would continue to consume you? It can be a terrifying feeling as you try to take control of your mind or body.

The good news is I will give you two coping strategies that could be beneficial when dealing with your anxiety. These skills are mental activities that will help you feel calmer in the moments where your anxiety has gotten the best of you.

Challenging Irrational Thoughts

Challenging your thoughts can be a great way to decrease your anxiety. Sometimes your worries might not have a lot of evidence behind them and challenging their validity can help you take the power away from irrational thoughts. One way you can do this is by using socratic questioning. This is when you ask yourself questions to determine the logic and validity of a thought.

Here are some socratic questions you can ask yourself:

• Is my thought based on facts or feelings?
• How would my best friend or spouse view this fear?
• What is the likelihood that this is going to happen? (0% to 100%)
• What is the most likely outcome of this situation?
• What evidence is there to support that your fear is going to happen?
• What evidence is there to support that your fear will not happen?

Visualizing

What you think about has the power to change how you feel and behave. For example, if you are thinking about your fear of getting fired at work, it might make you feel insignificant or insecure. Knowing your thoughts have this ability means that you can also use them positively.

Imagining peaceful situations can make you feel at ease when faced with anxiety. When using imagery, you want to use all 5 of your senses. This way you can envision this place in greater detail.

First you will want to identify a place that brings you comfort. Now use all of your senses to take you to that place. You want to be as detailed as possible. For this example I am going to use the beach as my comfort spot.

Sight: I see waves lightly crashing on to the shore, a family eating sandwiches out of a picnic basket next to me, birds flying around, kids building sand castles, endless miles of white sand, a line of tall hotels behind me, and my best friend sitting next to me

Hearing: I hear the sound of the birds chirping, country music playing, the family next to me laughing about the birds trying to take their food, and the crunch of the chip bag as my friend tries to stick her hand in there.

Smell: I smell coconut because of the sunscreen that I am using, the saltiness of the water, my lavender body spray, and the pepperoni pizza that I am having for lunch

Taste: I taste saltiness after swimming in the ocean, marinara sauce from the pizza, and the taste of a yellow gatorade

Touch: I feel the soft sand in between my toes, the sun beating on my face, the water dripping off of my hair onto my back, the wind blowing to the right of me, and the cold gatorade in my hand

Next Steps:

If you found these coping strategies to be helpful and are looking for more ways to reduce your anxiety then we are here for you. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have a team of compassionate and highly trained therapists who can help. They will work with you as you become the best version of yourself. The version who lives in peace and not stress and fear. Call (405) 921-7776 to start the process or get more information on how we can help. We are excited to hear from you and begin the journey towards what better looks like for you!

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is your body’s natural response to a stressful situation and can be functionally normal. However, if it affects your ability to function in everyday life, counseling can help.  Do you have intrusive or obsessive thoughts about anything and everything on a daily basis? Do you feel restless and unsafe for reasons that you cannot always identify? Does panic set in suddenly and unexpectedly? If so, you are not alone in these experiences. Statistics have shown that 1 out of 3 people in the United States suffer from anxiety but only 40% of these people get the help they need. The good news is that we are here to ensure you are a part of this 40% and provide you with guidance as you overcome your anxiety.

Are there different types of Anxiety?

Anxiety comes in many forms and affects each of us differently. If you have a broad fear and worry about various things consistently, a generalized anxiety disorder may be present. If you suffer from severe panic attacks and live under a constant blanket of fear about when the next attack will occur, panic disorder may need to be discussed. Anxiety can be tied to a specific phobia, fear of crowds, or debilitating fear that prevents you from leaving your house.  Other forms of anxiety can coexist as well, making the journey to wellness more complex. Do not let this intimidate you! We have a team of highly trained therapists to help you pinpoint what anxiety looks like to you and provide you with a road map to healing.  And we have an extremely high success rate with helping clients with anxiety.

When to seek help for your Anxiety

You may be asking yourself, “How do I know my anxiety is abnormal,” or “What if my anxiety is not severe enough to treat?” We are here to help you answer these questions. You may have one of these symptoms or a combination of a few. There are also several other symptoms that can occur as well. The list below is simply a guide to help you decide what your next step is. It may be time to seek help for your anxiety if you experience any of the following symptoms:

• Scary, intrusive thoughts that send your body into a state of stress
• Your anxiety is affecting your ability to function in relationships
• You dread going into public and isolate yourself from others
• You have trouble sleeping or changes in appetite
• Your mind is constantly racing and you have trouble completing tasks
• You have panic attacks or get overwhelmed on a daily basis
• Your body is often tense and you feel on edge
• You live stressed

Whether you have one, all or none of the symptoms listed above the best time to get help is when YOU feel you need it.

What do Counselors do for Anxiety?

There are many forms of therapy for anxiety so your counselor will adapt a treatment plan that fits you and your personal struggle. Some treatments begin with identifying strongholds and negative thought patterns that contribute to anxiety. By doing this, you can identify your triggers and replace them with healthy thoughts.
Other treatments focus on acceptance and allowing things to be as they are. Becoming mindful and reminding yourself that you are safe helps to break the automatic fear cycle that suddenly strikes. Deep breathing practices and meditation help to calm the body and mind as well. By learning to tell your mind what you need it to do, you can talk yourself off a cliff and take control of your anxiety.
Spirituality and reliance on God is a strong segue into healing as well. We want you to remember that you are not meant to bear the burdens of anxiety alone. Casting your worries on the Lord provides you with a safe haven in the middle of the storm. As a faith-based practice, we will walk through an emotional and spiritual journey together towards a whole and happy you.  And if you would rather not have faith be a part of your journey then we will meet you where you are at and honor your request.
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4: 5-6).

Next Steps

We hope you found this article helpful.  If you are ready to take the next step towards overcoming anxiety we are here for you.  We are here to answer any questions you may have about counseling and how it can help.  We will walk with you through each step of the way and guide you to wholeness. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, our team of highly trained and compassionate therapists have helped people from all walks of life.  We create a safe and non-judgemental atmosphere where you can relax and be you.  We can be reached by phone at 405-921-7776, or by visiting our website at newvisioncounseling.org. We look forward to hearing from you soon!

What are traumatic memories? Traumatic memories are formed after experiencing an event that caused high levels of emotional arousal. When faced with a traumatic experience you are unfortunately also opened to the likelihood of experiencing flashbacks of the event. This can bring emotions such as fear, sadness, shock, shame, or anger. Fortunately there are ways you can cope and reduce the stress of experiencing a traumatic memory. In this blog I will go over 3 ways to deal with traumatic memories.

Identify Triggers

When faced with traumatic memories it is important to be able to identify things that trigger them. There are two different types of triggers, external and internal. External are things such as people, places, smells, relationships, interactions, and anniversaries. Some examples of internal triggers are memories, emotions, or body sensations. In order to become aware of these you should write them down, so you are able to track what you are doing before and after experiencing a traumatic memory.

Mindfulness

When you have a history with trauma it is not abnormal to want to put your focus on the past or on an imagined future. By doing this it makes it hard to live your life in the present moment. Staying in the present can help ground yourself when flooded with traumatic memories. Here are some ways to do that:

5-4-3-2-1 Method- Find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
Define Reality- Verbalize statements that are true about the current moment. For example: “I am sitting on the couch with my husband.”, “I am safe in my home.”, “I am about to start cooking dinner for my family.”
Make a list of things that make you feel safe- This can be a person, place, or sensory items such as a smell, a song, or a tv show. Remind yourself that you are safe.

Therapy

There are many different types of therapies for trauma that can be helpful when dealing with traumatic memories. Some examples are EMDR, talk therapy, exposure therapy, Emotionally Transformative Therapy (ETT), and support groups. When you find a therapist that is right for you, they will if you are ready to begin the journey of overcoming your trauma then we are here for you. At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have a team of caring therapists who are highly trained in helping you work through trauma and create a life you want to be a part of. The natural next step is to call us at (405) 921-7776. We hope to meet you soon Ill be able to help identify techniques that are best for you. Going to therapy not only helps you cope with traumatic events but helps in understanding and processing an event.

If you’re like me there is a great deal of stress and anxiety surrounding the holiday season.  And when I say holiday season, for me, it begins sometime in the middle of October and lasts until sometime in March.  Although this is something I have dealt with since my early 20’s, it is especially true for me now that I am an adult with a family of my own.  On a typical day taking care of yourself and on top of that work, spouse, family can make it challenging to enjoy what is suppose to be “the most wonderful time of the year”.

Seasonal depression can either begin slowly as a general feeling of being overwhelmed, and build into a state of depression.  Or it can potentially sneak up on you and hit you like a ton of bricks on a random afternoon of Christmas shopping.  Depression can look and feel differently for everyone.  The important part is that you don’t ignore it.  Instead, seek out a friend or a counselor so that you can begin working through it.

Although seasonal depression can just be falling into a bit of an emotional funk due to dark days and oftentimes less outside social interaction, there are also scientific explanations behind seasonal depression and what could be causing it.  Seasonal depression is also known as seasonal affective disorder, or SAD.  Along with winter comes shorter days, and longer nights and of course colder weather.  But, that lack of sunlight plays a factor in the symptoms of SAD as well as the distance you are from the equator.  This reduced level of sunlight can affect your serotonin, which is a chemical in the brain that impacts your mood.  The lower the levels of serotonin, the higher you are at risk for mood related symptoms such as depression.

Some symptoms of SAD are very similar to depression.  The main difference between general depression and SAD is that SAD symptoms typically present themselves in the fall and winter months.  Then return to normal levels following the winter months going into spring and summer.

Symptoms include:

1.       Depressed mood nearly every day
2.       Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
3.       Unintentional weight loss or loss of appetite every day
4.       Sleeping too much or not at all
5.       Delayed or slow to react
6.       Loss of energy daily
7.       Feelings of worthlessness
8.       Inappropriate guilt
9.       Difficulty concentrating
10. Suicidal ideation

If you have any of  the above or suffer from other symptoms not listed there are things you can do at home.  Here are some solutions.

If you have found this helpful and want more help then we are here for you.  At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have a team of compassionate therapists who will create a safe and welcoming environment for you to heal.  If you are tired of struggling alone and want to make progress that lasts then contact us at (405) 921-7776.

What are boundaries?  Boundaries are self-guidelines you create in order to identify what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.  Without boundaries it allows your individuality to be defined by the needs of others.  If you are living a life without boundaries you might be feeling emotions such as anger, resentment, or unfulfillment.

Boundaries are like a house. There are certain people you will allow in different areas of your house.  Take your front porch vs. your living room.  There are a lot of people you would allow on your front porch ranging from you mailman to your best friend.  Your living room, on the other hand, is just for friends and family.  Your living room represents parts of you that you would only share with the closest people to you.  Without boundaries you might be allowing your mailman to watch tv in your living room.

In this blog, I will go over why setting personal boundaries is important for your well-being and relationships.

Well-Being

Boundaries are important to your well-being because it gives you a sense of self.  You are able to differentiate what is healthy for you and what is burning you out.  For example, say you pick your friend’s kids up from school everyday, but by doing this you are not able to cook dinner for your own family.  Without boundaries you are allowing the needs of others to override your own needs.  Boundaries strengthen your well-being by:

• Understanding your own values and beliefs
• Allows you to communicate your thoughts
• Know when a relationship is toxic
• Take responsibility for your own actions
• Identify your emotions
• Build independence

Relationships

Boundaries are important for your relationships because it allows you to give and receive respect.  There are many types of boundaries in relationships.  There are physical, sexual, time, financial, and expectation boundaries.  If you do not set your own standards in these areas then it is easy for a person to take advantage of you.  Also if you aren’t able to identify your own boundaries it will be hard to respect the boundaries of others.  Here are some tips when setting boundaries in your relationships:

1. Be honest and open
2. Communicate in person
3. Have a time for you to talk
4. Have a time for you to listen
5. Focus on yourself when creating boundaries
6. Be consistent

Next Step

Are you having a hard time creating boundaries?  Is it affecting your well-being or relationships?  At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have trained therapists that will walk alongside you as you identify and create boundaries that are going to produce the best version of yourself.   You can reach us at (405) 921-7776 or go to our website at NewVisionCounseilng.org to learn more about how we can best help you.

Grief is something that you can’t begin to understand until you are knee deep in it. It is the natural response you have when someone or something you love has been ripped away from you. You might experience a multitude of emotions as you begin to process your loss and it won’t look the same for everyone. Even though everyone’s grief journey looks different there are healthy and unhealthy ways of processing your grief. In this blog I will go over 5 healthy ways you can cope as you begin to process your new life.

Establish a routine 

Grief can single-handedly make your life feel like it’s spiraling out of control. It might seem like the foundations of everything you once knew have crumbled in an instant. While grief is an inevitable and natural part of life, it can be comforting to find some sense of normalcy when every other aspect feels abnormal.

Try to incorporate things that give your day structure. That can look different for everyone. Here are some examples:

1. Waking up at a certain time
2. Eating meals at appropriate times
3. Making your bed
4. Doing something social (coffee with a friend)
5. Doing some type of exercise
6. Make a to-do list with small items (eg. get dog food)

Accept how you feel 

There are a multitude of emotions that you could face when dealing with loss and none of them are right or wrong. How you grieve might look completely different from how your mom, brother, or spouse might grieve. With that being said, don’t compare your journey to anyone else.
Acknowledge how you feel and let it sit. Don’t suppress it. As you face various emotions it might be helpful to write in a journal or confide in a therapist/ trusted friend. By doing this you are allowing yourself to process and validate your emotions.

Take care of yourself physically 

As you process grief it not only takes a lot out of you emotionally, but physically. Even though it is easy to put on the backburner, It is important to take care of your body. You can do this everyday by:

• Doing simple exercises (walking)
• Sleeping and resting
• Prioritizing your hygiene (brush teeth, shower, brush your hair)
• Getting fresh air and sunlight
• Drinking water
• Eating multiple meals

Find a safe person 

When you are grieving there are going to be times where you want to be alone and that is perfectly fine. But It is important to realize if you are isolating yourself and internalizing how you feel. It is vital to find a person that you can be 100% vulnerable with in the hard times. That can be a family member, friend, or therapist. By doing this you are not only allowing others to help you, but you are acknowledging your emotions.

Find ways to honor what you lost

If you are grieving a person or something else important in your life, honoring them can help you process what you are feeling. Honoring a person lets you reminisce on fond memories and can help you be grateful for the impact they had in your life.
Some ways you can do this is by:

• Telling stories
• Sharing traits that you loved about them
• Celebrating their birthday
• Keeping a journal of favorite memories
• Doing activities that they loved

How we can help 

Grief can be a difficult process to go through alone. Here at New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we have trained therapists who are ready and willing to help you work through your grief. We will provide a safe space for you to be vulnerable and navigate your grief. To get started, give us a call at (405) 921-7776 or visit our website NewVisionCounseling.org

Life is hard, and it can be hard to admit you want help right now.

It’s been crazy. Things are up in the air, and you have little control over a lot of things.

You want to feel better. You want to feel like yourself. You want to be in touch with your feelings, your family and friends, and feel more hope about the future.

These are unprecedented times. You have been feeling like things just aren’t normal and you don’t feel like yourself. You want a counselor who actually understands what you’re feeling and helps you feel better. You might think there is no hope right now, because everything feels shut down. But there is. You can have the help you need without ever leaving your house.

Online Therapy can help you.

You know that it’s important to take care of your mental health, but that doesn’t make it easy. Especially in times like these. Because of the technology we have, it is easier than ever to get the help you need through telehealth. Our telehealth is easy, effective online therapy that allows you to talk to a counselor in a secure way.

Online Therapy is Easy

At New Vision Counseling, we know that you are unique. You want to feel like you aren’t being treated just like everyone else, but are being listened to. You want to feel like you are in touch with your feelings, connected to friends and family, and have more hope about the future. To be able to get there, you need an easy and effective way to get good counseling services. You may wonder if there is even a way to get counseling services right now. You may worry about sickness, be at home with kids, or be worried about privacy.

Finding healing and hope is possible through counseling. Through our online counseling, you will begin a process of feeling like your best self. Our counselors understand where you’re coming from and are trained in many areas so that you can be confident in the care you’re receiving. We commit to coming alongside you and going as far as you want to go. We believe in making real change happen.

We know that because of Coronavirus or COVID-19 pandemic, you are very likely to be more socially isolated than before. You may feel like all of the things you’ve been fighting in your mental-health are getting harder to fight. During this hard time, our therapists are committed to coming alongside you. We will help you get the support you crave and need.

Online Counseling Services Provided by New Vision Counseling

New Vision Counseling can help you. We offer all of our counseling services online. Research shows that counseling online can be just as effective as counseling in person, and we commit to offering the same quality of our amazing services online. We offer services for premarital counseling, marriage and relationship counseling, family support, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, trauma, and many others.

With the problems that you are facing today, there is hope and help for you now.

The counseling team at New Vision Counseling offers the following counseling services online:

• Premarital counseling
• Marriage and relationship counseling
• Parenting Support
• Raising Adolescents
• Stress Management
• Self-esteem
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Trauma
• OCD
• Struggles with faith
• Grief
• Anger management

Begin Online Therapy in Oklahoma

Our therapists are here to help through online counseling.  Here’s how you get started with online therapy (telehealth) in Oklahoma:

• Contact us! We would love to reach out to you and find out which of our amazing therapists is a good fit for you.
• Start in person or online therapy and begin to have the support and change in your life that you’ve been searching for.

Yes, it really is that easy!

Still have more questions? Visit our blog for FAQ about Telehealth and other helpful information!  We look forward to meeting you soon!

Parenting can be the most rewarding yet most challenging experience of your life. The role of raising up young men and women to be capable and successful in the world is no easy task and requires every bit of energy, love, and resolve you can muster. Parenting is a constant learning curve with every new life stage bringing a new set of challenges, experiences, and questions:

1. How do I shape her current weaknesses into future strengths?
2. How do I meet his unique needs and desires when they are so different than my own?
3. How do I discipline her without leaving her feeling defeated or unworthy?
4. How can I help my kids reach their full, God-given potential when I can’t even get them to clean their rooms?

These are big questions and the answers vary from child to child. It is no wonder parents so often find themselves overwhelmed and exhausted!

At New Vision Counseling and Consulting, we are equipped to empower you to create an environment and routine where your child can thrive! We can help you nurture strong relationships with your little ones and achieve the vision you have for your family.

We want to become part of your village in raising up strong men and women for the Lord. Let us help you cultivate stronger parental relationships with your family and give your children the best opportunities for the lives they are meant to live. Call us today!

Reduce Anxiety in Five Minutes

There are a lot of different ways to treat your anxiety.  Some common examples are lifestyle changes, mindfulness techniques, breathing exercises, or different types of talk therapy.   One way you can reduce your anxiety in five minutes is by EFT tapping.  EFT uses fingertip tapping on a numerous number of specific points in your body in order to reduce your anxiety over a certain thought or belief.

In this blog I will give you 5 steps to follow in order to balance your energy and decrease your stress.  EFT tapping is used to make a connection between your body and the damaging thoughts or emotions that you face.  Before you are able to make that connection you have to be willing to become aware of your own harmful thoughts.

Step 1: Identify Concern 

Identify what concern you want to address.  For example, that could be the anxiety you are experiencing over a recent health diagnosis.

Step 2: Rate Intensity of the Concern

When you start to think about that concern, rate it on a scale of 0-10 based on how much it is affecting you.  10 being that it is causing you a lot of distress and 0 being that it does not bother you at all.

The purpose of the scale is that you will be able to measure your anxiety level around the concern before you partake in the tapping exercise vs. after you finish it.

Step 3: Set up Statement

Before you begin tapping, you want to create a statement that you can use that narrows in on your problem.  The statement should consist of 2 different parts.

1. Acknowledges the problem
2. Promotes self-acceptance

An example could be “Even though I am afraid of not being good enough at my job, I deeply and fully accept myself.”

Step 4: Tapping Sequence

There are many different tapping points throughout your face and your body.  You will tap each one 5-7 times while completing the exercise.  For this specific activity you will be locating 9 individual tapping spots.

You will start with the karate chop point (on the side of your hand) and tap there with a couple fingers while repeating your set up statement. After that you will tap on these 8 points.

1. Beginning of your eyebrow
2. Side of your eye
3. Under your eye
4. Under your nose
5. In between your mouth and chin
6. Beginning of your collarbone
7. Under your armpit
8. Top of your head

While you are tapping at these spots you will want to have a statement that reminds you of your concern. This will help you stay focused. So if your set up statement was “Even though I am afraid of not being good enough at my job, I deeply and fully accept myself.” Your reminder statement could be “ I have anxiety about failing at my job.”

Step 5: Re-rate your distress level 

After you have finished the tapping sequence, you will then rate your anxiety over the same concern on a scale of 0-10. If your number was 8 in the beginning but now it is 4, that is great. The goal is to get your number down to 0, so you will want to continue with the sequence until that happens.  Sometimes your number may not get all the way down to 0 and that’s ok.  EFT can help you consistently lower the numbers and the more you practice the more effective it becomes.

Next Best Step– Contact Us and we CAN help!

If you found this helpful and are tired of dealing with the same issues only to get the same results we can help!  We CAN help you level up.  At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have a team of therapists trained that would love to walk with you and equip you with to tools to build the life you want.  We can help you heal and break free from the issues that create suffering in your life. You can reach us at (405) 921-7776 or go to our website at NewVisionCounseilng.org to learn more about how we can best help you.

What You Should NOT Say to Someone Grieving?

If you are watching someone experience the horrible effects of grief, you might be having a difficult time finding the best ways to support them.  I’m guessing that you feel pressure to say the right words or feel as though you have to give them immediate relief.

Finding the “right words” in these scenarios does not usually come naturally and can be very uncomfortable for most people.  In hopes to best comfort the person grieving in your life,  this blog will go over 4 different areas that should be avoided when speaking to a friend or loved one.

Sugar Coating the Situation

Attempting to have a person look at the bright side of their circumstance is common when trying to comfort them, but doing this can be extremely invalidating to their feelings.  It tells a grieving person that they cannot be upset about their situation because it could be worse. Here are a few statements that should be avoided:

• At least statements
• “It could be worse”
• “Life will go on”
• Reminding them that they have things to be grateful for
• “They are in a better place”

Making it About Yourself

Don’t make it about yourself when talking with someone who is grieving.  Everyone’s situation is unique and nobody grieves the exact same way.  It can be very easy to do this because as humans that’s how we feel most comfortable.  For example if your friend just lost her mother, it could be tempting to say ‘I know how you are feeling because when I lost my grandpa I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks.’

Even though you are trying to relate to their pain, this can come off as a dismissal of what they are going through. Try to keep the conversation about them or the person they have lost.

Giving Vague Support

When trying to support someone who is grieving it is best to be specific as possible. There is a good chance that this person will receive a lot of texts, phone calls, and cards that say things such as:

• “Let me know if I can do anything for you”
• “Do you need any help?”
• “Call me if you need anything”
• “I am always here for you”

These statements can come off as impersonal or as if you don’t actually want to help them.  They also put the ball in the grieving person’s court and make it their job to ask for help.  Showing up with specific actions can be a better alternative to showing your support.  Try bringing them dinner, calling them first, or going over to their house to help clean.

Avoid Religious Statements 

Religious statements can be another way of sugarcoating a situation.  Even if you know that person shares the same religious beliefs as you it can seem as though you are trying to put a bandaid over a bullet hole.  For example, telling someone “it is all a part of God’s plan” does not change the reality of their suffering and can infer they should be ok with what happened because God will work it out.    Some other statements that should be avoided are:

• God never gives us more than we can handle
• It was God’s will or this is what God wanted
• Telling someone that something good will come out of this situation

It is also important to remember that during situations of grief people can wrestle with their beliefs, so you never know where they stand personally at that moment.

How Do You Help

You are off to a great start by thinking about what they need and avoiding these pitfalls.  So often we are overcome by someone’s sadness and want to stop their suffering.  We do this because we don’t like watching or being a part of that pain.  However, the best way to support them is to meet them where they are.  Meet them in the pain and give them a hug, cry with them, listen and offer specific help to meet their needs.  In the end, the best gift you can give them is your presence of loving them where they are.

If you found this helpful and want to move forward yourself or someone else to heal and explore what your best next steps are then we are here for you.  At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have a team of therapists trained to walk with you through the pain and help you heal and make sense of what to do next.  You can reach us at (405) 921-7776 or go to our website at NewVisionCounseling.org to learn more about how we can best help you.

Exposure Therapy for Anxiety

You might be asking “What is exposure therapy?   Exposure therapy is used to help you face and work through your fears instead of avoiding them.  Imagine what you are most afraid of in life.  This could be a certain situation, activity, object or person.  Most of us  do everything we can to avoid the things we fear.  This is because we believe that the farther away we are the safer we feel.

Even though in moments we are able to avoid our fears, it is impossible to completely separate ourselves from things that make us panic.  In this blog I will describe the positive outcomes of exposure therapy, how it works and the types of anxiety it can be used for.  All of this in hopes of helping you discover if exposure therapy could be right for you?

Positive Effects

Exposure therapy can be very challenging.  As you start to reveal yourself to the thing you are most afraid of, it causes you to feel uncomfortable and anxious.  But exposure therapy is all about helping you be comfortable with being uncomfortable.  Some positive effects you will see from exposure therapy is an increased self-confidence to face your fears, an increased ability to cope.  You can also take the power away from that which you previously feared because you have faced it.  The realization that it won’t hurt you or you won’t hurt it settles in and you have more peace.  This can happen quickly or over time depending on the depth of what you are dealing with.

How Exposure Therapy Works

There are four different types and three different paces that can be used for exposure therapy.

Types

1. In Vivo exposure: when you are exposed to your fear in real life.

• Example: Someone who is afraid of snakes would be asked to hold a snake

1. Imaginal exposure: when you are exposed to your fear by thinking about it in detail with your therapist guiding you.

• Example: Asked to describe and imagine driving a car after getting in a bad car accident

1. Virtual reality exposure: This is using life-like technology to face your fears. It can be used when it is not realistic to use In-vivo exposure.

• Example: If someone is afraid of heights

1. Interoceptive exposure therapy: this is used for fears that have to do with physical sensations

• Example: Dizziness, getting spinned around in a chair

Paces

1. Graded: you gradually get exposed to the thing you are afraid of. Could start with looking at a picture of something and then move on to holding the object.
2. Flooding: you get exposed to the greatest amount of your fear all at once. This is if you are having to face what you are afraid of on a daily basis.
3. Systematic desensitization: this is exposing you to your fears and will also teach you relaxation techniques.

Types of Anxiety

Exposure therapy can be used for many different types of anxiety. Some popular disorders that it has been successful in treating are phobias, panic disorders, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, and separation anxiety.

Next Step

If you or someone you love is being affected by anxiety and are looking for ways to help them overcome them then we are here to help.  At New Vision Counseling and Consulting we have a team of therapists who are trained and will compassionately walk with you through these fears.  You can reach us at (405) 921-7776 or go to our website at NewVisionCounseling.org to learn more about how we can best help you.